In my life, I’ve had numerous experiences where what I saw was not what was really going on. It’s confusing at first because we’re a human breed that tends to believe by sight. I have learned to follow my instincts even though I may be tempted to do otherwise. If I’m patient enough and do not instantly react, the real truth to the situation will usually reveal itself.
Some time ago, when our daughters were still at home, I took them and a friend shopping with me. I had to get something at one of the small outlets and was driving the van around the parking lot looking for a spot. I finally parked and we got out walking across the parking lot to the store and this woman came running up to us yelling her head off. She claimed that I hit her car and put a big hole in her hood; she had a compact car. She was mad and upset and very accusing. It took me and the kids by such a surprise that I was in a state of confusion, at first, until I settled her down to explain what she was talking about. “Well,” I thought, “the van is big and I don’t always feel or hear every bump or noise while I’m driving so it might be a possibility”. I asked her to follow me over to the van so I could get the insurance contact information, all the while still figuring out how I did this. She was still yelling and I was still asking. 
As we approached the van, I noticed our tire mounted on the back door of the van. I asked her, curiously and hypothetically, “How could I have put a hole in the hood of your car with the tire mounted on the back?” “Wouldn’t it have hit the tire first before doing any damage?” I was trying to figure this entire scenario out while still cooperating. All of sudden, she spun on her heels and took off muttering to herself leaving us in a stupor. The only answer I could come up with in this situation was: I didn’t know what her intentions were but by being willing to cooperate and be accountable for something I may have done, the angels took over and handled it.
We, humans, are good at disguising what our true feelings are and what is really going on with us. Well, a lot of times we don’t know what’s going on with us; we just know we’re hurt or we have a problem and we react the only way we know how. If we could just find a common ground to start where we feel safe then we would be in a place to listen and be heard. We all want to be valued and respected but because we feel attacked or used we lash out. Ram Dass in Still Here, said:
“…when there’s true surrender and service between people, the roles of helper and helped and the boundaries between those in power and those who are powerless begin to dissolve.”
It all brings us back to service and surrender and with God’s help we will be true.
From the kitchen table – Pat
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Well, that was one I needed to read today! I think we can all get wrapped up in the stories we tell ourselves about our lives – so wrapped up, in fact, that others start wondering whether the story is true. We just look for reasons or explanations of why things are happening in our lives and make up a good story – like “my car is dented, that woman must have hit me” in the case of the lady you write about.
I like your solution – a willingness to see it from her perspective, validating her “story” to the point where she could let it go.
I’m going to try and apply that, see if it works. Thanks for the article (stumbled!)
Blessings,
Andrea
Andrea – thank you for your comment and stumble. I’m glad this little story helped. It’s not always easy to stop and remember to be of service and true surrender in the heat of an argument. That’s not to say we need to back down on every situation. We just need to be in a place where we can hear what to do. Thank God for our Spirit Guides and Angels.