Making My Way Back

Poppies

Poppy Photo by Leon Roulette Posted at Discover Art

Hello everyone ― it’s been awhile! I can’t believe how fast this year has flown by and ­­now it’s fall with winter just around the corner. I’ve written and rewritten this post so many times thinking, “where do I start ― a lot has transpired?”­ Be prepared, though, it’s a long one, as I open my heart and get personal. You may want to get a cup of coffee and pull up a chair.

In browsing through my emails, I’ve seen the inspiring stories you’ve written and realized how much I’ve missed. I hope you can take something away from reading the little milestones I’ve made while I’ve been away. So much reflected on and so much to share.

I can’t say I’m through processing it nor do I understand. I think that’s why I’m having trouble writing for there are things that aren’t meant to be expressed by words. They’re only feelings that take you to a deeper place and what remains in your heart is what matters. I’m still a work in progress and, though the words aren’t quite there, I’ll give it my best.

Eyes are the windows to the soul . . .

I started on this course, the end of 2014, needing to do something about my sight. Contacts were getting more difficult to get prescribed and my old glasses no longer served me, having to put readers over them to work on the computer. So, the exasperation left me in a place where I could no longer ignore nor settle for what I had.

I think that’s why I looked for a resolution but even more I sought for answers. In these past months, that search put me on track for the ride of my life with a lot of highs and lows. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and it’s been true for me with more going on than what my eyes could see. My core was touched with my heart exploding with love one time; and then another, I felt cut down and bewildered with a boggled mind.

Don’t ask if you’re not serious . . .

Well, I asked, right from the start, by ushering in this New Year 2015, with inspiration and a kick in the pants from Karen Hutton’s “Happy New Year – Full of Grace”. It was from her post that I made my own invitation to the miraculous and I would soon learn that miraculous doesn’t always mean you’ve hit the lottery. It’s a peek into another dimension and an encounter with the Divine. If you’re lucky, you’ll notice and get the messages that go along with it.

Ever since I made that invitation, God must have taken me seriously and has been compelling me to do the same for once and for all ― get serious! It feels like, by sharing, I am seeing my life unfold in a way I’ve never seen before. Sometimes, it’s gentle and tender and other times it’s difficult ― yet not without its own depth and beauty.

God cut straight to the chase and didn’t waste any time knowing my purest longings and deepest intentions. I was challenged to embrace all of life ― good and bad ― and encouraged to face old fears, grief and anger. It’s what I’ve been looking to do my whole life: stop living in the past or looking to the future ― just be what I came here to be. It appears that I’ve been dinking around more than usual and guess this year was the time to get on with it.

Something won’t let me let it go . . .

I stalled again, and again, in writing this and it’s like something inside won’t let me let it go. I keep thinking, “I can’t make sense of any of this and who wants to read more blubbering drama?” During the summer, what helped me stay aware and keep in tune with feelings was reading, music and videos (see End Notes). At least it primed me for possibilities.

Now, I was getting nudged again to get back to this writing by another one of Karen Hutton’s posts where she talks personally about her life and finding your voice. I could no longer use the excuse of my eyes and I seem to be experiencing the same as her, when she said:

“I’ve been holding… listening longer than usual. I’m poised. Ready. Having to remember to breathe. My highest guidance has been right there… saying “wait”. Be patient. Listen. Watch. Even as I take my actions and do my doin’s. I’ve known something was coming, I could feel it, taste it – if I could just hang in there for it to emerge, without leaping with impatience and turning into a human battering ram. Again.”

I think I’ve been poised my whole life for what I don’t know. Unlike Karen, I don’t have as much a problem leaping, as I do peering over the edge, with my heels dug in, waiting for something. But, as I recall the uncharted territory of what has happened, and continues today since our last communication, it’s a journey for which I’m grateful and I’m far better for what I’ve experienced than I was before.

Uncharted territory . . .

It’s amazing, when we’re open, how things jump out that seem to be meant just for you. It’s also beautiful how they come about, so effortlessly, when you’re in that frame of mind. Little miracles unfold that might have been missed and just pass us by had we not been looking.

Before I go on, I want to preface this by saying I realize these stories may sound a little “woo-woo”, but I want to assure you, I’ve not lost my crackers ― just my marbles ― No, No (ha-ha) I’m just kidding!

I remember one morning, before my cataract surgery, I heard birds chirping as I walked out with hubby before he left for the store. Their sound was different and I felt the hair rise on my arms and my body tingling. My senses and hearing were tuned in, as I paused and looked up at one of the pine trees close by. It was full of birds. I think every bird on our mountain had come to perch in that tree for this one moment.

I instantly felt drawn to them and connected as they peered back at me and began chirping together, as if urging to get my full attention before singing their song. When their harmonious rendition and message of “You are loved” was acknowledged and graciously received, they instantly stopped chirping and were silent. I felt as if they came just for me. As I went back in the house, I wept touched by their tender, genuine love, and was exceedingly grateful.

Though my soaring through life has rarely been graceful, like the birds in this video, I do feel my landing is getting more grounded with a steadiness in my feet ― yes, it truly is miraculous!

https://www.facebook.com/692203840829852/videos/956573464392887/

I’m in good hands . . .

A couple of weeks after that, I began my cataract surgery on both eyes and it turned out to be a huge success. It didn’t start out that way, but now, I’m left only with a little tweaking awaiting my glasses for the computer. Though this may not seem to be much of a big deal, those of you who had read my latter posts understand the emotional trauma I put myself through.

Little did I know what that window to the soul would begin to reveal nor how to prepare for it? This event with my eyes would prove to be just the beginning in learning how to look within for discernment instead of reacting to what’s happening on the outside. My miraculous year had barely begun and already things were stirring.

Miracles in the details . . .

To explain how this all went down. After much deliberation on what to do about cataract surgery, I had to change eye surgeons and find another online. I had not been getting answers to my questions and was back at square one. That was enough to put me out of my comfort zone sensing panic and helplessness.

But, I was fortunate enough to find another surgeon and noted how his name came up as one of the doctors suggested to schedule a consultation with, when I called for an appointment. It turned out he is a world-renowned eye surgeon with a waiting list and treatment with the latest technology at a University of Colorado hospital. I was amazed how I got in right away as a new patient. Someone up there knew I needed a confidence booster on who would work on my eyes ― but it didn’t end there.

I was also concerned about costs for the type of lenses I felt I needed with astigmatism. It was the main problem I’d had all my life in getting the proper correction to see with. Basic standard lenses for cataract surgery is all that Medicare would pay for and we didn’t have the additional money for the extra correction.

But, that was taken care of, too, with the help of free lenses from my new surgeon’s resident. Because it’s a teaching hospital, surgeons in training are given a set number of free corrective lenses every year to use at their discretion. It just so happened that my surgeon’s resident had the astigmatism lenses that would work for me.

Remaining details were worked out on what type of correction, standard or monovision, and the surgeries were scheduled. I had a whole team working for me on my eyes with the resident surgeon operating and my main surgeon assisting and monitoring every step of the way. Lord knows I needed that miracle and extra tender, loving care in this area.

More surprises were on the way . . .

Shortly after my surgeries were complete and my eyes had time to heal, we got the next big surprise and it was one for which we weren’t quite prepared. Hubby took ill suddenly and had to be rushed to the hospital. He thought he was having a heart attack. It turned out he wasn’t, but it was serious enough that he would be in there for almost 2 weeks, with a visiting nurse on his return home and me giving him daily infusions.

He had an infection among other complications possibly left over from a difficult surgery he had a year before. We’ll never know. He’d always been strong with no clear health issues all his life. Now, he was a sick puppy and very weak.

I was concerned, though the timing couldn’t have been more perfect on my cataract surgery and the healing of my eyes. I had no problems driving up and down the mountain every day to the hospital. This was the first time in almost 49 years of marriage that I wondered if we’d be back together again.

I still felt a calm peace, though one night before going to sleep, I remember tears welling up looking at his empty pillow. I prayed asking God to bring him back home. As I drifted off to sleep, that peace returned but now with an inner strength and a knowing that everything was to be okay.

My prayers were answered and hubby is now home and recovering well ― getting stronger every day. I can’t explain the flow of events and the ease with how each circumstance was met with compassion and a quiet strength. It must be something we each are given, when the situation requires it and our needs are great ― Divine gifts of knowledge and love. But, there was more.

It was during the course of his recovery in the hospital that it seemed as if energies were heating up on my invitation for the miraculous. I remember the moment I made that invitation and how I felt embracing the unknown, with open arms, no matter how it looked.

Now, I was being shown how to see through the windows to my soul, though at first it didn’t appear that way. Life is to be cherished no matter how long it touches us.

Underlying fears ― gentle guidance . . .

Surely, some of the things that have happened would probably not qualify as miraculous, but stirring below the surface, I knew there were energies within me I could no longer bury. Underlying fears were surfacing in what was going on around me and I was gently being guided to be with them, in the moment, as I was soon to find out.

One morning, while I was preparing to head down the hill to the hospital, I walked out in the backyard with our dog and noticed a young deer coming out of the barn. Abby headed straight for her and, before I could catch her, the doe stopped and didn’t run as usual. She pointed herself right at Abby and began walking toward her. I called and Abby ran back to me and I quickly gathered her up and took her inside.

I suspected the way the doe was acting she had given birth, probably the night before, and was protecting a fawn in the barn. It turns out she had twins, as they popped out shortly after momma’s showdown with Abby. They were precious, full of life, and happy as long as they were close to momma. I was thankful we had just averted a potential disaster and knew from then on I’d have to keep Abby on a leash, as long as the doe kept her fawns in the backyard.

I couldn’t keep tabs on them having to be at the hospital every day but my neighbor said she saw them off and on and that they were still in our yard. Even after all the gates had been left open, she had noticed that momma stayed just outside the fence and the babies ran back and forth on the inside trying to get to her.

A few days lapsed and I hadn’t seen them. So, I decided to walk the yard to be sure they had left before I let Abby out to stretch her legs before I headed out.

This part is hard for me to write . . .

That is when I found their little bodies still in the corral. They had never left with momma and there were no signs of a predator. I don’t know why momma never came back in the corral for them. I had not seen her back in the yard since her first encounter with Abby.

Whirlwind of confusion . . .

They say not to interfere with Nature, as wildlife knows how to take care of their young. But, I have to say, I was at a loss on this one and my heart and mind were in a whirlwind of confusion.

Death has always been difficult for me. I know it’s not something that’s typically easy for anyone but, for me, it always seemed to affect me on a different level. If you’ve read any of my stories, you’ll know that it strikes such a fear in me to where, in the past, I’d either run or scream my way through it.

Over the years, I’ve calmed down and matured but it has remained hard for me to deal with ― it stays with me and is hard to shake. I can’t understand why anyone or anything has to leave this earth through pain and suffering. Seems like we come into this life through pain, we live in pain throughout our lives and we leave in pain. Why do we ever want to come here to begin with? These were some of the issues I’d always struggled with.

But, this time was different and maybe that was the point. I noticed a stable calmness within and a strength knowing I had to take care of business. My neighbor helped me bury the babies and I saw that momma was nowhere around. She must have known, as she kept out of sight. Afterwards, as I headed for the hospital, I noticed a difference with how I felt. I was sad and my heart hurt but I didn’t freak out. There was a steady refrain.

A Divine touch . . .

That night, when I returned home, it was almost dark when I took Abby out in the backyard on the leash. I, then, spotted her. I let Abby do her business and put her back in the house. When I went back out, she was still there in the backyard, but she was down by where her babies were buried and not in the corral.

She turned to look, as I sat down quietly and reverently. Our eyes met and I felt our hearts connect. We each exchanged our grief in different ways and I felt her love and loss, as we looked at each other, and I cried. In her own way, I think she was thanking me for taking care of them, maybe in a way she didn’t know how. There was depth and beauty in this moment and the Divine touched us, as we both honored their short lives on hallowed ground.

In this writing, my heart is still touched and I feel the tears fill my eyes. I still can’t make sense of it but I think that’s what I’m learning . . . how to feel life . . . the ebb and flow and preciousness of it. It’s something that goes beyond words and can’t be analyzed. So many times throughout my life I’ve wondered, “Will I ever get it?” I think I’m beginning to.

Our physical bodies give us the ability to hold and feel, to see and remember. The memories are what we take with us when we leave this world. If we only knew a vaporized existence as a spirit, we’d never know the solid depth of life and love.

Sending me signs ― Am I getting the message . . .

As the days passed, I noticed peculiar events, as if God was sending me signals. They were almost an everyday happening, as if to whisper and let me know he was near and watching. It got so I looked for them and wondered what would unfold that day.

  • I routinely saw 11:11, either on the digital microwave clock or the clock on our nightstand.
  • One night in a deep sleep, I heard a soft, short bird-like trill and felt a gentle brush across my cheek. I instantly awoke and looked around in the dark, halfway afraid I’d see something. I got up to meditate thinking maybe there was a message in it ― but nothing.
  • Another night, I slept downstairs, as I was restless and wanted to give hubby and Abby peace and quiet to sleep. A fox barked directly under their bedroom window and startled both hubby and Abby straight out of a deep sleep and they both sat up to look around for the source of the sound.
  • Then, there was the night I came to bed late. I was almost asleep, in a dream state, with my eyes closed facing the digital clock on the nightstand, when I felt as if someone was turning the light off and on. I hazily opened my eyes to look around the room, but it was dark.

So, I closed my eyes and settled back in to go to sleep and it started again. A brightness and dimness – pulling back and forth ― as I kept my eyes closed paying close attention and wondering what it was. When I opened my eyes, I saw that the red digital numbers on the clock were getting brighter and dimmer. When I sat up to examine it, hubby woke up and he saw it, too. Still don’t know if we were having a power surge that night but we never had it happen before nor has it happened since.

  • Just recently, I woke up to the sound of an alarm going off on the dresser. It only sounded a couple of times then stopped. I settled down to go back asleep and it went off again. Because it scared me, this time I woke hubby to listen for it but it never went off again. We looked outside and checked the fire alarms and everything seemed to be in order.

There were many other occasions, like these, some minor and most having significance at the time. I can’t remember them now. Time marches on and things settle. Lately, I’d been missing family and have wanted to take a road trip back home. So, a couple of months ago, I saw a hiring sign staked outside of our local grocery store. I took it as another signal for which to pay attention.

I got the notion to apply to make some extra money. It’s been 3 years since I’ve retired and worked full time and even longer since I’ve been back home. Years ago, when the girls were home, I would take temporary jobs to help out before I went to work full-time in the corporate world.

Back then, I tried to apply for a cashier job but it seemed all the entry jobs at grocery chain stores were for courtesy clerks. I didn’t think anything different this time and applied anyway, even when I didn’t see any openings for cashier online.

I was surprised when I got the call for an interview. It went well and I took it as another sign, when it turned out he happened to have an opening for cashier. So, I was hired on Friday and Sunday ― I quit.

I know, you may be scratching your head by now, wondering what’s going on with this crazy lady. Believe me, it’s just as much a mystery to me. But, even though I wasn’t getting any clear direction to keep the job or not, I felt I needed to shift and take charge.

After I talked to the manager about my resignation, I left the store. As I sat in the car, with the rain pouring down thinking about how crazy that was, a subtle energy of renewed strength came over me and a thought emerged, “I don’t want to do what I’ve always done and settle. I want more.” Even though I had no clear understanding of what that meant or what just took place, I knew it would be okay.

What’s next . . .

Not long after that, I was working out in the yard, raking, cleaning up pine needles and enjoying the warm, late summer air. I noticed how many pine cones we had this year, almost ankle deep in some places, and the thought came to me, “why not sell pine cones?

So, along with getting back to my writing and finding my voice, I am here with a collection of over 1,000 pine cones ― washing, baking, dipping and painting. I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s all new to me as I take it one step at a time. But, I’m learning how and I’m listening, feeling and desperately trying to follow the leads. I’m again out of my comfort zone with technology and how one goes about selling online and marketing. No doubt, it will all come together in due time. I’ll settle in once I go through my normal rounds of panic, control and overkill. If you want more information on that, you can go to “Pat’s Pine Cones”.

If you’re still with me ― I’m happy you stayed . . .

If you’re still with me and reading this, thank you for coming along on this ongoing journey with me. There are hidden messages and lessons to be learned in everything, as each day unfolds. I’ve felt the shifts and changes and discovered a steadiness that ­I somehow knew was there all along but didn’t pay much attention to before now.

I think in addition to seeing differently, I think I’m also learning more about spiritual realms and communication beyond our minds and bodies. I know it’s something I’ve been intrigued with and curious, though it always freaked me out having experienced these things with my grandmother.

I think it may be another path I’m gently being guided along, given all the peculiar events and unusual phenomena that have happened the past few months and throughout my life. I don’t know and we’ll see, as time moves on, but, for now, I’m excited for the challenge. There’s more that lies ahead and I’m getting better with the clues and their messages in each step I take.

I hope in reading this you’ll look for the miraculous in your own lives. It’s there and will always be whenever we’re ready to see it.

Pat from the ‘ol kitchen table

______________________________

End Notes

  1. Saint Francis” by Nikos Kazantzakis
  2. The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho
  3. “Walking Man” by James Taylor
  4. Wayne Dyer’s last spiritual video journeys, “Experiencing the Miraculous”C
Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2015 Pat Ruppel
Acknowledgements: Leon Roulette at Discover Art https:/ more...

44 thoughts on “Making My Way Back

    • I know, Susan. It is a lot to digest. Took me awhile to sort it all out to where I could put words to it. Thank you — feels good to be back and I know what you mean in getting your head around it. Believe me, it’s just as much a mystery to me and continues to be.

      I appreciate your honesty in getting back to me on your thoughts. Some of it is way out there, and some of it, there’s no explanation in terms of the way we normally understand things to be. I think it’s interesting what stands out for those commenting. There seems to be a little something for everyone. 🙂

  1. I would hate to have surgery on my eyes, I don’t like anything near my eyes, so the thought of surgery or needles near my eyes would freak me out. Lives are full of marvellous things happening in our lives if only we allow ourselves to see them

    • Hi Joanne — I know what you mean about having apprehension with surgery on your eyes. It was the same for me but I no longer had a choice. I could no longer see with what I had and the optometrist could no longer give me an accurate correction.

      What I was really getting anxious about was with the first eye surgeon and the lack of response with the questions I had after our consultation. I would call and ask my questions to an office person who said they would ask the surgeon and get back with me. I did that 3 times and never got a call back.

      Because I was where I had to do something I felt a little panicky. This was my eyes and I needed attention where I felt it was taken seriously. Not just another customer. I’m glad I found the right place and competent surgeons. I couldn’t have felt more safe and secure. 🙂

  2. Welcome back, Pat!! I’m so glad to hear from you….what a time you have had. A lot of going through the passage. I really appreciated your transparency as you shared your story. I’m looking forward to reading more…About your job and the pine cones, I have done the same thing. I don’t want to ever go back to something i’ve always done. I, too, feel like it is settling. I am going the entrepreneur route and am so much happier. Blessing!

    • Hi Susan — it’s good to be back and talking with you again. It has been quite an adventure and passage — don’t know if I’d call it a rite of passage (maybe). It remains to be seen. I’m not sure how much progress I’m making and what qualifies in working my way through all of it.

      Thank you for your words of encouragement about my job and the pine cones. It’s been crazy and fun and I got my first order last weekend — dancing around with excitement. What is your business? I don’t think I remember seeing anything on your site about it. 🙂

      • Hi Pat, I’m so glad to see you in the mainstream again. Sometimes things just don’t make much sense until later on. You are such a trooper…keep on keeping on:) My business is two-fold. I write copy for people about Italy specific to their requests, and I am part of a team developing a new business called BUB, bringing up baby. We are now selecting items to carry for our store, and we are running a campaign to send funds to the refugee moms and babies in Athens, Greece. So it stays busy, but fun! Blessings my friend, Susan

        • Thanks, Susan. I’m happy to be making my way back and appreciate your vote of confidence. You’re right in that things sure don’t make sense sometimes — just have to trust that they will someday. I like that you’ve got your business going and that it sounds successful. It’s great that you’re part of a team that’s helping others, too. I imagine that is really fulfilling and the best part of being an entrepreneur. Congratulations, my friend! 🙂

          • Pat, thank you so much. You are on to some exciting things as well. I looked up your pine cone link and it looks great. There used to be a little pine cone shop close to where I lived as a little girl. It was fascinating. I remember it was inside a rustic little cabin and the smell of those pine cones was wonderful. Keep on!!

          • Thank you, Susan. I appreciate your encouraging words and for checking out my pine cones. Though a little rustic being in the mountains, my little pine cone shop is in my home and you’re right about the smell. When I bring them inside to wash and bake, the smell is like I’m bringing Nature into my home. And, there’s another smell, when I dip them in beeswax to make them as fire starters (for fire places) — gives off a hint of organic incense-type of aroma. I’m working on these varieties that I haven’t posted yet, i.e., painted pine cones for different seasons and the fire starters.

          • I’m happy to have you follow along on this new adventure of my journey. I’m slow in getting out of the chute but making progress. Thank you, Susan. 🙂

    • Hi Patricia — Thank you for stopping by. I know, Wow! It has been quite a year — miraculous year. I can’t say that things are getting any clearer now. I’m just learning not to have expectations like I used to.

      I’m glad to hear things are settling down for you and less tumultuous. I didn’t pick up on any of that in some of your latest posts in your new blog. I like the stories when you remember and write about when you were young and your challenges with siblings and dreams of boyfriends. I had some of the same growing up. I think we all do and wonder what the stories will be like the kids of today will write. Somehow, I think they will be a lot of the same. 🙂

  3. Oh Pat – though you are an ocean away I feel so close to you whilst reading this post. I’m so glad your hubby is home and recovering, and that you can see clearly again – in more ways than the physical – but am touched by your perception of miracles at every corner. The tale of the doe was so moving it brought tears to my eyes too. Welcome back my dear friend! Dianax

    • Thank you, Diana. I can feel your closeness, too, and compassion in the reading of the doe story. I guess it’s one of those things we’ll never understand at least on this side of life. I have had to learn to feel the love in it and accept — not look for reasons or explanations. It’s what I’ve always done in the past, search for meaning and understanding, instead of just being in the moment with what is. I’m glad you were there with me in the reading and your heart was touched. It was hard but beautiful, too, in ways words can’t express. It’s good to be back, my friend. 🙂

  4. I have thought of you often and meant to drop you a line to see if you were okay. I kept hesitating fearing a problem. I’m glad you are okay and hubby is on the road to recovery.

    Your telling of the fawn have tears streaming down my face. I had a doe that gave birth to twins each year behind my last apartment I so looked forward to seeing them and made sure to protect their beds from others stumbling over them. I had my own story with a doe one year. I would go out walking the back roads by our home when one day a doe came out on the road and just watched me. She gradually got closer and closer. I didn’t fear her and kept walking at the same steady pace so as not to frighten her. Just feet apart a car came roaring down the road startling her. She ran off and I didn’t get to find out what our actual meeting would have been.

    You’ve asked and now you are receiving messages. I hope the answers are all good. In the meantime, keep your heart and mind open and ready to receive.

    Glad to hear from you, take care.

    • Oh, thank you, Lois, for your kind thoughts. We are doing well and hubby is on the way to feeling better more than he has for a long time, which goes a long way to me feeling better.

      I enjoyed reading about your encounter with a doe and that you could relate to mine. Those connections are special when they happen. Even though they’re fleeting, there’s a wonder about them we never quite forget. I’m touched that the story brought tears to your eyes and that it resonated in your heart. It means the world to me that you connected and understood what I felt.

      Yes, I asked and I’m getting better at receiving the messages and more open to the miraculous. There is so much more to life when we give ourselves the chance to experience it. I’m enjoying the journey.

      Hope you are well and I can only imagine that you have your house all fixed up by now and have brought in your harvest already. Loving those grandchildren and thinking how easy it would be for you when I’m doing my pine cones. You’re a whiz at these types of things. Hugs and blessings. 🙂

  5. Wow, lady! Like I’ve always said, you can write! Quite amazing. As an aside, in addition to the excellent references you made above, you might want to check out (if you haven’t already) Caroline Myss’ Entering The Castle. Best in all things, and please keep us posted.

    • Thank you! Thank You! Thank you, Patricia. I’m so pleased you enjoyed this and were amazed. I’m amazed, too, in the events my journey has taken me on, yet, can’t say I can take any credit for it. I’m humbled to share and it’s in the writing where I’ve found it most challenging.

      Though I’m familiar with Caroline Myss’ work, I haven’t heard about “Entering the Castle“. In looking it up, it seems like she’s talking about a mystical awakening. It sounds interesting. I don’t know if some of the things I’ve experienced this summer would qualify for something like this, but I can understand what she’s talking about. What are your thoughts on this and where are you on it?

      I’ve had many inspirational teachers and sources throughout my life. They’ve helped me grow and learn. Surely, Caroline Myss is one of them along with Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Ram Dass. I’ve followed them for years. What I’ve found to be most helpful now where I’m at in my life is Michael Brown’s “The Presence Process“. It’s helped me look at my life with compassion and take responsibility. Like he says, it’s a process.

      I loved that you stopped by to share. Look forward to you coming back again and leaving more little nuggets of wisdom. 🙂

    • Hi Patricia — wanted to let you know I dug out some old books I had by Caroline Myss (one in particular, “Sacred Contracts”) but I didn’t have this latest one by her “Entering the Castle”. I remember years ago I had tried to read her material but it was over my head and fell out of touch with her until your mention and when I saw her portion of the tribute to Wayne Dyer a couple of weeks ago. I know she is good. I took another look at “Sacred Contracts” and may have to revisit her work again. Thanks for the heads up and insight. 🙂

  6. Well Pat you’ve had quite a journey these past few months and some wonderful blessings along the way. It’s as though your eyes have been “opened” and like a newborn, you are seeing the world (and invisible worlds) around you for the first time.

  7. Hello Pat, and how wonderful to read your story here! Goodness, I have missed you and it’s been so good to see you easing back into blogging again, and now I have at last been able to take the time to read all you share here. I knew you were having eye surgery and so very glad it all turned out for the best, and then for your dear hubby too. We are very much on the same wave length, as in my recent post about serendipty I shared about the time I was laid off my job as a legal secretary four years ago but that day when I walked out of the office, I just knew I was never going to go back to that ever again. Something had shifted in me, and that was the beginning of me pursuing my writing career. It was now or never, and everything seemed to align to put me on a very different path. I also shared how I have felt like I’ve been waiting for ‘something’ all my life, wondering when I would have my turn to find my way, my calling. We never know when it will come (it came for me in my writing) and for you a new adventure beckons with your pine cones. The story of your deer and her babies made me cry, but the beauty and tenderness expressed as you and the mama looked at one another made me understand the depth of the emotion you have experienced so intensely this year. God bless you my friend as you take steps along your new path, renewed, refreshed and envigorated, and I pray for every success in your new venture. Thank you so much for sharing your tender, beautiful heart with us…

    • Oh, it’s so good to see and talk with you again, Sherri. It’s been a long time coming, for sure. I’m so glad you read along to take this journey with me. It’s all good and was quite challenging in putting to words. There has been a lot to cover and it means the world to me that you could take something away from it and your heart was touched.

      Yes, I’m dabbling in a little online marketing with sales of my pine cones. It’s all new to me not only the technology but the marketing that goes with it. I’m hoping to get better at it as I go along. I’m so happy for you in the process of publishing your new book. That is quite an accomplishment unlike selling pine cones. You truly have chosen a new path and honoring it. I love all the diversity in putting ourselves out in the world.

      Many blessings and continued success, my friend. Thank you for stopping by and reconnecting again. 🙂

      • Aww dear Pat, I am honoured to read your words here, you share so honestly and in so doing you bless others with your open heart. Thank you so much for your kind words about my writing, this book is one I’ve wanted to write for over 30 years and I have to dig down deep each and every day as I get closer to completing it as I know I could so easily succumb to self-sabotage. This is the most personally challenging thing I’ve done for myself. And I do wish you the very best with your pine cone business. Do let me know if I can share the word on FB or anything. I look forward to your updates! Have a wonderful weekend my dear friend, lovely to see you again 🙂

        • Thank you, Sherri — I truly appreciate your friendship and encouragement in writing what’s close to my heart. I can only imagine what you’re feeling, as you grind out the words to express those events and emotions that were hidden for so long. It took me a long time just to write this post to capture what happened to me this summer. I don’t know that I could do what you’re doing and cover my whole life.

          I guess that’s why I write about it in bits and pieces. Seems, as I go along this journey, my feelings and perspectives keep changing on those events. It would be hard to pin them down and lock them into words in a book.

          I’m so proud of you and admire you greatly, Sherri, in what you’re accomplishing in this endeavor. I know the end result will be a book but somehow I feel there’s a lot more going on within you in the process. Hugs and love across the pond, my friend. Good job! 🙂

    • Thank you Enivea – I’m happy you stopped by and enjoyed it. I like your talented gifts, as well, in your photography and writing at “Redbubble” and shared you on “StumbleUpon“. I hope you’ll come back, pull up a chair and linger awhile at my virtual kitchen table. 🙂

  8. Welcome back Pat! It’s so good to hear from you again..I was beginning to wonder.
    Quite a journey! The story with the doe moved me to tears. Ironically I just read a more or less similar story Daryl Hannah (actress) has with her horses. Similar as in death being a natural process of life and the importance of ‘closure’
    Life works in mysterious ways. Wishing you many more wonderful encounters as you start seeing now with ‘fresh’ new eyes. All the best to you hon xx

    • Thanks, Karin. It is good to be back and I’m slowly getting up to speed, though typical for me in doing things backwards. This is usually the time of year when people pull themselves in and do less. The journey has been amazing and I’m still learning from it. On the story about the doe, my head still can’t understand it but my heart knows somehow. It helped to bring closure, like you said, and make a connection that night with mamma. It means a lot that you understood and were moved.

      I want to thank you for the post you wrote last year “Live Life in the Clear Looking Through the Inner Lens.” I copied down the internal message you received when you were going through your own eye experience and I would read it over and over. It helped me a lot in putting things in perspective for my cataract surgeries. All the best to you, too — God bless. 🙂

      For those who want to read, here is the beautiful message Divinely (I believe) received by Karin and what inspired me:

      “Ask yourself; Do you feel the need for support or love?.. Do you feel you’re falling short in expressing your full potential?.. Limitations whether or not self imposed, opinions and issues of self worth are rising to the surface from the depths of the past in order to be healed..”

      “It’s time to detoxify from everything that is not serving your highest good..take time to nourish, to LOVE yourself and trust that the universe will support you with every step you take.. Give your sorrows, regrets, sadnesses and anger to the earth, to the moon, to the sun and let them help you in your healing process..”

      “Don’t forget you’re already ‘perfect’ in your essential being, perfecting a human experience.. However, healing cannot be accomplished through the reasoning of the brain..

      “Don’t think too much. Instead live the questions.. Awaken the senses and feel FEEL.. Work upon a new wiring circuit, new programming and express your emotions freely and respectfully.. Be true to yourself! Let your’Self be pulled by the cosmic flow of Divine Intelligence and be cradled in its Grace..”

      “Go find what makes you come alive and go do it!.. Continue to clear your vision and broaden your horizons.. you’ve got what it takes to embrace the beauty, abundance and fulfilment of your destiny.”.

      “You are a brave soul on a mission.. A new journey is awaiting you.. Make time, create space for new perspectives as you continue to grow and expand in awareness.. balance your vision for the future with the reality of consciousness in the world of today. Eventually, in that still point you’ll find the answers you were looking for..”

  9. Pingback: Courage And The New Year | Plain Talk and Ordinary Wisdom

  10. Hello Pat, wow!

    What a long but wonderful story you are sharing with us through your experiences of life!

    But as it’s a very long post, I didn’t have time to come along its totality. For the moment I have read the 7 first parts of your post, until the end of the 7th one where you related about Jim’s illness and admission to hospital. Until I finish reading the whole blog post, here are my comments below on the 7 first ones. But hehehe, be patient too my dear, it’s VERY VERY LONG too :)))

    1) Referring to your paragraph “Eyes are the windows to the soul”, when I read the state of mind in which you retrieved yourself because of your sight problems and the fact that you couldn’t use anymore your old glasses and struggled for looking for some lenses to replace them, I interpreted that paragraph however in a different way, especially when you mentioned, I quote, “They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and it’s been true for me with more going on than what my eyes could see. My core was touched with my heart exploding with love one time; and then another, I felt cut down and bewildered with a boggled mind.” I imagined then how it would be for the blind people, who didn’t take birth with the gift of sight and how they are learning to be happy without that gift from Heaven. I remember having seen so many times a French advertisement on TV recently. In that advertisement, there is a man who goes to the lavatories and who accidentally looses his gold ring and desperately looking for it. Then, there was a blind man next to him, who could detect the location of the lost ring by using his ears. He started guiding the other man with his voice to retrieve his ring and thanks to that blind person, the man succeeded into retrieving his ring, and then came to understand that the other man was blind. The way blind people see life is very different from us, and it’s still possible to make of them soulful people though they are condemned to live with a black veil in front of the windows of their souls all their life. I advise you to see the full Indian Bollywood movie “Black”, a movie I really enjoyed watching after my marriage and which was recommended to me by my father. Black relates the story of a blind, deaf and mute girl who was treated like a lost soul and a wild animal because of her parents, who were unable to understand her and unable to face her handicap. Things went by for years for that girl until she acknowledged a professor who was expert into working with people in the same situation as hers, and who succeeded into helping her leading a normal life despite her handicap. Unfortunately, through the years when the girl turned adult, her professor started suffering with Alzheimer and disappeared for several years, until one winter day, the girl, who turned older through the years too, retrieved him sitting alone on a bench and unable to recognize anything. The courageous girl, who was always taught in life to never give up, decided to save her teacher from Alzheimer by reminding him about the experience they shared as teacher and pupil during all the years they had been working together. She wrote her story at his attention in Braille characters and spent so many days and weeks relating her story to him, until at the end, the professor succeeded into recognizing his pupil for the first time after so many years. If you wish to watch that movie, I have retraced it in its full version for you. However I am not sure whether there are English subtitles, but a lot of dialogues in the movie are mostly in English than in Hindi and I don’t think you will have a lot of difficulties to understand it. There was a quote which I really loved at the beginning of that movie regarding the world of that girl when she said something like “My alphabet doesn’t begin with A-B-C-D-E but by B-L-A-C-K”, since this is like that that she illustrates her daily life and how she was condemned to remain in the dark all her life as a lost soul until that teacher came to her rescue. The link to that movie is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CTrytoRqIw

    2) To better understand your other paragraph, and especially your “invitation to the miraculous”, I went on Karen Hutton’s “Happy New Year – Full of Grace”. I read it fully and there was a paragraph she wrote which mostly captured my attention, I quote “Be quieter inside, more allowing, more in wonder… like standing inside a garden of Grace. Not try so hard, push so much, demand the moon of myself every single day. Allow perfect timing to happen in all things. Let things breathe, happen easier. Everything is better all the time from that place.” Also when you mention in your blog that miraculous is “a peek to another dimension and an encounter with the Divine”, I understood that miraculous is something positive that you won’t obtain all in a sudden, but progressively, little by little, like a bird using patience to build its nest and slowly seeing the progression of his hard work.

    3) In your paragraph “Something won’t let me let it go”, I really enjoyed the extract you shared with us from Karen Hutton, regarding patience and perseverance. Once more, while reading that paragraph, it reminded me again about Michelle (the blind girl) and her experience of patience and of never giving up which she had been sharing, first, as a pupil towards her teacher, and then as a savior for her teacher needing assistance this time due to Alzheimer disease he was suffering from. But unfortunately, very few people have the gift of patience within us and that is why so many humans struggle in life. Like a French quote says it so well “La patience est une fleur qui ne pousse pas dans tous les jardins” (Patience is a flower which doesn’t bloom in all gardens).

    4) I really enjoyed reading your paragraph “Uncharted territory” too, Pat. I can understand the emotions you were feeling when you heard those birds chirping. This is to explain to you that, as long as “all is well” or seems to be well for us, you don’t realize the importance of the tiny little things that God placed all around us, such as the birds chirping, the leaves moving in contact with the gentle breeze, etc. It’s in such hectic moments that we really realize those little blessings of life, and how we forget too easily to live. And on that day, I am sure you were not very well, since you knew you would have that cataract surgery and since you were maybe down and even scared about the post surgery reactions and how your life would be after that surgery. Am I right? Did you watch the 1993 movie “Philadelphia” starring Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington? I regret I never watched it before, but when I read its summary I found it in perfect link with what you wrote in “Uncharted territory”, especially when Tom Hanks was known as a hero lawyer in his community, and because he has AIDS, he is rejected by everyone and helpless until his pathway meets the pathway of a brilliant black lawyer, and it’s another proof that, whatever bad may happen to you, God will always stand besides you in every way, however it could be in the shape of a helpful hand like Denzel for Tom Hanks, or in the shape of some innocent things of life such as a baby crackling or birds chirping. God is within any of us 🙂

    5) I am very proud of you when you mention being in “good hands”, despite the little tweaking awaiting your glasses for the computer. Maybe you are in such a positive state of mind especially because you are conscious that you had known much worse than this with your sight problems before surgery and since you overcame your fears since you knew the cataract surgery was a great success and got you relieved from all fears. When you pass through some experiences like that, you always start living your life fresh and anew after the most difficult has been successfully overcome.

    6) “Miracles in the Details”: My God, Pat, I am reading that paragraph and oh dear, you brought tears in my eyes when I read it. I am so so happy that, after having struggled to find the right doctor for your cataract problems and lenses problems, you finally succeeded into being within the hands of a wonderful surgeon whom God sent to you through this other doctor who referred him to you like a messenger of God! I cried when I read that paragraph because it reminded me of my own experience with Honeymoon, my little puppy (I don’t know if you remember my story “The Rainbow Day of My Life”, you can retrieve it on my new link http://unicornstories.over-blog.com/2016/03/the-rainbow-day-of-my-life.html) where I was relating how I had been struggling so much to save my puppy from a serious illness, until I found a veterinary who saved his life, who was located next to our house and who cared about our puppy free of charge! It’s when you struggle the most that miracles happen to you and in a very unexpected and hopeless moment of your life. I always enjoyed reading the lyrics from Mariah Carey and late Whitney Houston’s song “When you Believe”, since the lyrics perfectly describe your state of mind when you are afraid and hopeless, and how you feel when a miracle happens: http://www.metrolyrics.com/when-you-believe-lyrics-mariah-carey.html

    7) I won’t be able to come all along the whole article for today but I will for the moment end at the 7th one “More surprises were on the way” where you related about your husband’s sudden illness and all those days and weeks spent in hospital with him, seeing him so weak and helpless while you were sleeping all alone and praying that he would come back safe and sound. I am so happy that your prayers have been answered and that the both of you are still together again at home, with your husband recovering slowly but surely. Send my warm hugs and respect to him as well, I will always have a special thought for him in my prayers. And another reason why your husband recovered is because your husband is a fighter. When you are born with a fighting spirit, it’s definitive that you will recover very quickly. Within that same framework, I would like to talk to you about an AIDS activist from Mauritius, Dhiren Moher, who actively participates into the fight against AIDS in his country. Dhiren was declared seropositive more than 10 years ago further to some diseases he was suffering from continuously (high fever, continuous diarrhea, vomiting, etc.) and no one did even help him in his weak condition. Things changed for him when he met Stephanie, a colleague, who was the very first person who came to understand him when he needed a shoulder to cry on and who became his unconditional support and the woman of his life for more than 10 years. Thanks to her immaculate love for him despite the bias against them due to Dhiren having AIDS syndrom, Dhiren’s state of health improved a lot thanks to a special treatment he is continuously following and thanks to Stephanie, his wife, who is a great shoulder on which he can lean on, and thanks to whom he turned into a fighter with a very positive way of thinking. This is also another point on which Jim found the courage to recover, it was because he knew in his heart that you are the fragrance of his life and that you are everything for him, and it was also for you that he recovered 🙂

    I will come to you later with the rest of my comments on the other parts of your post 🙂

    • Oh my, Uma. Thank you for reading and taking the time to share so many of your thoughts. They touch on many levels.

      I know it’s a long post and so much to process and put it into words. I still marvel at all the things that transpired and so gently in perfect timing. It happens that way when we let it.

      I won’t comment on everything you said but heartfelt gratitude for the information you passed along and the links. The movie “Black” looks inspiring and produced well but unfortunately I don’t understand Hindi. Just the same, it looks good and I may watch it for the characters, story line and energy. It’s similar to our Helen Keller story.

      Thank you for your kind words for my husband and his recovery. I’m truly blessed to still have him in my life (this year is our 50th wedding anniversary). He does have a fighting spirit and came through it never have experienced anything like that before.

      I’m sorry to hear about your AIDS activist and that he’s had such a hard time with it. Thankfully, someone has come to his rescue and has become a big part of his life. Love is great isn’t it in all it forms.

      Hugs to you, my friend, and truly appreciate all your words of inspiration and wisdom. Take care for now and will talk with you again. 🙂

      • Hello Pat,

        I am so happy that you felt warmed up by all I could comment about your post which you generously shared with me via email. Regarding the movie “Black”, don’t worry regarding the Hindi language dear. As I told you before, I think you will be able to understand the movie because most of the dialogues are in English, very few Hindi use, but yes you guessed it, the movie was inspired by the life of Helen Keller, and you can have more details here: “Black (Hindi: ब्लैक) is a 2005 Indian drama film directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali and starred by Rani Mukerji and Amitabh Bachchan. Black revolves around a blind and deaf girl, and her relationship with her teacher who himself later develops Alzheimer’s disease. The film draws inspiration from Helen Keller’s life and struggle.” (Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_(2005_film))

        The main actor in this movie is Bollywood megastar Amitabh Bachchan, one of the biggest stars of all times in Bollywood cinema. But you know, despite being a flaming candle in the Bollywood industry, Amitabh Bachchan has also his part of problems: While shooting his blockbuster “Coolie” in the 80s, he had a serious accident and lost lots of blood which had to be replaced in emergency. But in one of the blood pockets, there was contaminated blood with Hepatitis B virus, and yet, the megastar is still surviving with 25% of his liver only. Despite his disease, he never gave up and is actively fighting to have the vaccination done to babies on time so that they would be protected against that virus for life: http://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/bollywood/i-am-surviving-only-on-25-per-cent-of-my-liver-today-amitabh-bachchan/

        I will now continue the reading of your post to add more comments on it 🙂

        • Thank you, Uma, for the links and information you provided. Once again, I’m impressed with how much we have in common and yet there are so many differences. It goes to show there’s a common thread woven in the tapestry of humanity and it’s the desire to figure out where I fit in this world and what is my purpose. It’s only with the balm of love and compassion that it’s all gets put together.

          • The pleasure is mine Pat and this is how humans should all connect with each other through lots of exchanges, which would allow them to better understand each other 🙂 We may come from different countries, speak different languages, have different usages, traditions and practice different cultures, lifestyles and religions, but we are above all humans with the same red blood sinking in our veins, the same human body and anatomy and the same way of connecting our soul, mind and heart together through what we see, hear, experience, taste, touch and feel 🙂 That is what makes the true richness of humanity 🙂

          • Hi Uma, and you’re right, it’s good to connect and share with one another. Like it’s been said, “We’re all star dust” and “We’re spirit having a human experience.” Hopefully, someday, I’ll begin to really understand how truly connected we all are. 🙂

  11. Here I am again dear friend 🙂

    As I promised you, here are some new comments I am sending you regarding your post “Making my way back” since I didn’t have time to read the whole text yesterday.

    I have just read the three paragraphs where you were relating the story regarding the doe and her two baby fawns. You know, such animals appearing for the first time in our environment is a gift from Heaven, since they are not manifesting in their usual environment, but in OUR environment. And regarding this doe you were mentioning about, maybe it’s not an ordinary doe like all the ones in the forest. This doe was sent to you by God as a cosmic doe and a guardian angel staring at you through thick and thin. However, I was very sad hearing about the death of her two babies, for which the reason still remains mysterious, but what was amazing was the way this mother doe was suffering from the loss of her two babies and the incredible connection between the both of you. But there is one extract on which I focused mostly in that part of your post, I quote, ” I can’t understand why anyone or anything has to leave this earth through pain and suffering. Seems like we come into this life through pain, we live in pain throughout our lives and we leave in pain.” I don’t know how it is in Christianity, the fact of suffering before dying, which differentiates from the case of people who die suddenly, and this is a point which deserves to be dug about. But my father-in-law once told me something, which though needs to be proved: People who suffer before dying are people who have sinned a lot in their lives and who are paying for their sins on Earth before dying, whereas people who die suddenly are those who never sinned in their lives. Because when God takes our soul back to Him, He takes our souls cleansed and purified, and not our souls dirty and insane. That is why some humans need to suffer before leaving us.” I witnessed that so many times with elder people who remain stuck in bed suffering a lot for so many days, but dying peacefully by showing an angelic face full of happiness.

    I have just finished reading the whole paragraph regarding the “Sending me signs” too, and don’t worry, hihihihi, I never considered you as a crazy lady at all, because my husband and I had been facing a lot of things like that before, especially since we are both Hindu and since we had been experiencing much more phenomenons like that in our lives. For example, in my husband’s family, most family members very often dream of “Dada” and “Dadi” (Dada means paternal grandfather, and Dadi means paternal grandmother in Hindi). When “Dada” passed away, one night he talked for the very first time to my father-in-law during his sleep and asked my father-in-law to never bring any priests in their house because priests, for the most of them especially in Mauritius, are crooks who use their victims’ vulnerability to create disorders in their family environment. Dada even added that each time there would be anything good or bad happening in their house, my father-in-law should light a cigarette for him and offer him a glass of his favorite whisky and some good foodstuffs in a little plate as an offering, preferably in the kitchen table… I didn’t think about it before but maybe by writing those lines I am giving you another meaning about the kitchen table through the presence of the elderly sitting to it 🙂 And it did not only work, but it made Dada, and at times even Dadi too since she was offered a soft drink at the same time after her death, manifesting very often in my father-in-law’s sleep and even in my husband’s sleep and some family members’s sleep as well, mostly my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and some other extended family members living overseas, as if they had some messages to communicate to us. But we should be very careful too because some messages are known to be insane as well. I have my half-sister who lives in Reunion Island. She related us that in 1995, while she was opening the window of her bedroom, she saw a huge grass-snake falling down that window… and the day after, my maternal grandfather died! The year after, the same thing happened when she opened her window at night… And the day after, my maternal grandmother died! There are also messages which we very often receive through our dreams, since we strongly believe in dream interpretation a lot since they represent for us either good signs or warnings. For example, very often we used to dream about marriages. In our Hindu religion, if you dream about marriage, it’s a very bad omen, especially if you dream about the Hindu bride and her red marriage sari, because so many brides are often victims of black magic rituals practiced by some of their family members against them because of jealousy. Did you try to talk about your experiences with a specialist or with a priest before? They are signs, that is for sure. But you should be careful because you should make sure whether they are good or bad ones.

    Finally, regarding your pine cones, having such creative ideas can come within you at the unexpected moment of your life, and this without knowing where they could come from. It’s a bit like inventing a new recipe from a very banal ingredient 🙂 For my part, two days ago, my son did a caprice since he wanted to eat a lot of fried chips… and as usual, he had his eyes bigger than his stomach and left a lot of chips which he couldn’t finish. And as I wasn’t myself hungry, I couldn’t finish the chips for him. Also, suddenly I had the idea of looking for a recipe of gratin with fried chips, peppermint and cheddar cheese, for which I looked for the recipe on google. It wasn’t bad… But as it was a vegetarian meal, my husband didn’t really like it and would rather prefer it with canned tuna mixed in it, fresh potatoes or accompanied with a fillet of grilled chicken and a good lettuce salad for example 🙂 And as you were talking about pine cones, here is something interesting I found for you, in case you would like new ideas for your pine cones: http://www.countryliving.com/diy-crafts/how-to/g312/all-about-pinecones-1206/

    Yes, definitely, I am happy I have been staying all along your post, which really inspired me a lot and which really rejuvenated me, allowing me as well to better understand the difficulties and challenges you had been walking through, and which allowed me also to share some personal and non personal stuffs with you to illustrate what you were mentioning about. I am also reading the lyrics from James Taylor’s “Walking Man”, for which you sent the link to his song on your post, and it seems that the message behind the “Walking man” is a sort of chant for humanity, because we keep on walking all the time, involved in the time machine, at times even we loose our way since we face the unexpected too. But there is always something which will guide us to the right pathway and give us a hand to hold to retrieve our way back.

    • Oh, thank you, Uma, for your kind words and knowledge. It was a long post and took me a long time to put words to what had happened and what I was feeling. I really appreciate you taking the time to walk through it with me in reading it and shedding some more light and wisdom. I can connect to what you said about the doe and what we shared through the death of her babies. It’s interesting to me how you believed why people suffer in death compared to others that do not. I really don’t know and I guess it’s why my heart cried out. I was experiencing something deep within my soul but my head couldn’t understand it. I liked how you talked about the kitchen table and metaphorically linked it to food/drink and the elderly. It would be comforting in that way and feel safe.

      I also liked that you enjoyed James Taylor’s “Walking Man”. The song and words have a lot of depth and meaning in it and helps me understand my feelings when I’m going through something and accept that it’s okay. I truly appreciate you taking the time to walk through this journey with me in reading this. Your comments resonate with me and transect across our different experiences, dreams and paths coming out in the end to look very much the same. It means more than you know, my friend. God bless. 🙂

      • Hello again Pat,

        No need to thank me dear, it’s a pleasure for me to have had the opportunity to read that post of yours like all the other ones which you already published before, but when I read a long post like “Making my way back”, I like taking my time to read and comment about it so that I better understand the message you wanted to share with your readers

        And here, the main message which you shared with us is that whatever the situation you may face in life, you should never give up and keep on trying again and again until you harvest the fruits of your efforts and until you see the light coming at the end of the tunnel of darkness in which you had been travelling.

        While writing those lines to you, I am remembering a sort of caricature I once posted on my Facebook profile, showing a man digging a mine of gold in the upper side of the caricature, and below we see the other man giving up the digging and going back onto his steps, without realizing that the gold was just awaiting him at the point where he stopped digging. We may retrieve ourselves in the darkest moments of our lives, but in the end, light appears to us all the time and that is why we should always believe in God.

        A maid, who worked at my place, once related me the philosophy of the eagle. She always told me that the eagle, by training his little one, at a moment will let the little one falling down to teach him how to use its own wings. The baby eagle will try and try hard, will struggle, but at a moment he will be very tired and hopeless, and it’s at that moment that the mother eagle will catch it back. At some moments of our lives God leave us to test us and to test our patience and faith, but very few about us, humans, believe that God exist…

        See the Jews who believed in the Golden veal which they built to replace God, while Moses was patiently waiting for God completing the 10 Commandments. See Noah in his arch with his family and with the other animals, who struggled for so many days until the stormy rains stopped and that the sun appeared again, showing the rainbow as a union between Heaven and Humanity. See also Job, the rich man who suddenly turned into a sick and miserable human being, who kept on believing in God though at times he felt weak and hopeless, and at times doubted about God’s existence. They also had their part of doubts, fears and struggle like everyone, which proves that humanity is never perfect. But despite all, they never gave up and God forgave them despite their periods of weakness, making them stronger and more faithful than ever 🙂

        • Hello again, Uma, and I appreciate your words. It’s different for everyone, but I suppose that’s what life is all about never giving up. Though, I’ve had my times when I have given up and even turned my back on God. But, you know, God never gives up on us and the ebb and flow of good and bad that flows in and out of our lives make it all worth the living.

          • Giving up is a state of mind which is within every human, Pat, since we have our weaknesses and at times feel very tired and fed up after useless fights from which we never obtained the fruits we expected. Also, when you keep on kicking hard for something impossible, the fruits will never come and then you have to try something else. In such cases then you have no other choice than giving up. This is also the philosophy of people who see a door banging behind them, whereas a window is opening in front of them. People will mostly tend to try hard to open again the shut door, and it’s when they get tired and hopeless that they will see the window which was open for them and for which they never realized the existence before, due to their stubbornness of trying to open the closed door.

          • I think it’s all part of the process, Uma, and feeling like giving up is part of it. Thankfully, in a lot of cases we work through it. There’s a time for everything and one is letting go and another is staying strong and fighting through it. Each circumstance is as individual and unique as we are. What I’m learning is to feel and discern what’s going on in me in each circumstance as it unfolds. Thank You! 🙂

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