Authenticity

Posted on December 11, 2007 by Pat

I touched on this subject in an earlier post “Footprints in the Sand – Footprints We Leave Behind” where I give a quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer in which he says,

“You’re not what you have”, “You’re not what you do,” and “You’re not what people think of you.”

This may leave you a little perplexed because it appears that this is all of what our culture is about. It’s only what gets the most attention. Yet, in your mind if you take away these things, what remains? That is the key question and I think it’s worth reflecting on. I’ve been thinking about this in my life and what if….what if… I no longer had my home and all that we own; what if I no longer had my work (not quite sure what that is at the moment but I’m feeling good at what I’m doing with writing these posts); and what if opinions of who I am by friends and family and acquaintances changed? Would I change with who I am? Where would I be or what would be left?

I’ve mentioned in earlier posts about a book I’m reading by Richard Bode entitled, Beachcombing at Miramar: The Quest for an Authentic Life. He left everything – family, home, job – in search of himself. Does it take stripping away all the distractions – possessions, labels, expectations – before you can come to terms with who we really are? Does it take this extreme measure to realize our worth and place in the universe? The thought of this can be terrifying and yet liberating. Richard Bode says,

“I went to all those places and I did all those things, and I don’t regret a moment, for each experience contributed mightily to the sum of who I am and what I know. But the day came when my children were no longer children and had moved into lives of their own, and I knew the hour had also come for me to move on to a place in life I had never been before.”

In A Course of Miracles http://www.acim.org/ACIM/SectionIntro.htm (a complete spiritual thought self-study that teaches the way to remember God), it asks, “Would you be hostage to the ego or host to God (T-11, II.7, pg 198).” When we look at these questions, we’re fearful of what we find. I know it seems like I’m asking more questions than really saying anything. It’s because these are some things I’ve been asking myself and the answers are hard. It pulls together a lot of what I’ve been writing about in the past two weeks – trust, footprints we leave behind, family. And, I think in order to go deeper we need to contemplate and ask the “what if’s”. Are we playing the game and doing the dance well or have we stopped and really looked at our lives to see what is genuine and real? This doesn’t mean the only way you can arrive at these answers is by leaving everything behind and live on a deserted island. But, we can start right where we’re at and look around at our lives and take inventory. Are we living out of fear – hostage to the ego? From A Course in Miracles, Dr. Wayne Dyer has also quoted something that goes like this, “If you knew who walks beside you on this path you have chosen you would never be fearful again.”

I want to get serious about who I am and what I’m doing with my life and let that shine. I want to trust that invisible force that is with me on this path and not be fearful. What about you? Can you ask the questions and risk hearing the answers to open your life to a wonderful new chapter?

From the kitchen table – Pat
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Family and Going Home

Posted on December 7, 2007 by Pat

Starting tonight we get our grandsons for the weekend. I’m reminded how precious family is, especially this time of the year. My husband and I love having them spend time with us. They’re growing up fast (like the old song, “Turn Around”) and it won’t be long when they’ll have places to go and things to do with their friends.

Yes, we get caught up in the frenzy of job, errands, answering e-mails, etc. but more than once a year, at Christmas time, it’s important to play – wrestle, take long walks, make snowmen, talk, read stories, watch movies – and not let a minute go by without cherishing the gift of family. Whatever your family looks like, whether with children or not, it’s valuable to you and that’s what is important.

I grew up spending the whole summer, every summer, with my sister and 5 cousins at my grandparents. We were always excited to get there and cried when it came time to leave.

There was nothing special to do at my grandparents. They didn’t have toys and never took us to a movie. We just hung around every day and played together and were part of their everyday life. I think that is what was so special. We belonged and were valued and safe.

They took us fishing and crabbing and we went to the cemetery with them to cut the grass around the family tombstones. They interacted with us in their regular daily living. We visited like that with them every year until I graduated from high school. In fact that’s where I got the idea of sitting around the kitchen table and talking (see my headline).

Occasionally on the weekends our parents would come to visit – some as far as 250 miles. Because it was a long ride just for the weekend, they would leave after work on Friday and drive until the early morning hours. We’d be in bed and hear them come in and Grandmom would put on a pot coffee.

She would fix them something to eat to give them a chance to unwind from their long trip before going up to bed. We’d lie in bed catching the aromas of food drifting upstairs and listen to the quiet sounds of their laughter and talk. It’s been over 35 years now since my grandparents have died and I still miss them.

I can still hear them in the only lit room in the house, talking and sitting around the lone, kitchen table with all of us nestled upstairs in our warm beds. How do you create those memories for our children, our families? The answer: time and giving of yourself.

How did we get so busy that we barely have time for supper, a few words and homework, before it’s time for bed and then the next morning it starts all over again? Before you know it a year has flown by, then 5 years and then high school and on, and on, and on….. How do you take back control of your life? As Nike says, “Just do it!”

If you don’t make the conscious decision to live the life you want to live, it will be done for you. Life just happens. As we approach this special time of the year, become aware of your routines and demands and decide to change it. Love more, live more, laugh more and make those special memories starting this very moment with your family – your loved ones.

Here is a little something from Erma Bombeck, writer and humorist, If I Had to Live My Life Over (written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

From the kitchen table – Pat
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Fall in Love…..with YOU!

Posted on December 7, 2007 by Pat

Several years ago I had some sessions with a life coach. I felt like I was stuck and the business I was marketing and promoting was going nowhere. She was very helpful and what I learned was very insightful. As we talked from session to session, I felt like more and more was being revealed. I was at a cross roads as to whether to continue or get back into the corporate world and chuck my dreams. Our last meeting, she told me she typically takes time before the meeting to meditate about her client and ask what it is they need and this is what she told me. She said in her meditation she was told to tell me, “The degree to which I love myself will be the degree of success of my business.” This came as a shock as I never really connected the two. Now, it was a statement I could not ignore. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “You can’t give away what you don’t have.” Do I really not love myself? I thought I had come a long way with this but if I had the evidence would be there – success – and it wasn’t. I have to be honest with you; I am still working on this. I’m better at it than I was 4 years ago when I met with that life coach. Here are some of the things I have learned and still learning:

You teach people how you want to be treated.
Listen to the small voice and follow it.
Be comfortable with saying no.
Fake it ‘til you make it. You’re not really faking it you’re just “thinking from the end”, as Dr. Dyer says.
Be authentic. People want the real you to come across not someone you’re making excuses for.
Laugh, laugh, laugh!
Don’t be afraid to go for it. Give it all you’ve got (Dr. Dyer: “Don’t die with your music still in you.”).
Don’t be afraid to feel – feel what it’s like to love yourself.
Pay attention to what your body is telling you and honor it.
Take time for yourself – get quiet and reunite with your source and recharge.
Give yourself permission to receive.
Bless yourself – you don’t need others’ approval.
Acknowledge that what you have to give to the world is valuable.

I’m sure there is a lot more I could add to this list and you could as well, personally, if you thought about it.

A couple of days after that last meeting, I had a dream. I had this statement going on and on in my mind. The dream validated what I was told only now it was no longer just in my head, now it had dropped in my heart. I dreamt there was a family reunion of some sort and we came from all over. It was an important gathering at an old house that seemed like home to me. There were family members gathered both alive and dead. You can imagine the feelings of seeing a grandmother or father again that had passed on. Getting a chance to hear their voice again, see their eyes and hug them. That alone was worth more than whatever this meeting was for. We talked and caught up on what everyone was doing and then it came time for us to get ready for the event. We each went to our separate rooms and I went to mine. I freshened up and changed and went over to a long oval mirror to make a final inspection. As I looked in the mirror, I was taken back and stunned. There I stood in a wedding dress. This event was a wedding and I was the bride. I couldn’t believe how radiant and beautiful I was. I seemed to glow. And then I realized that I had fallen in love with myself and everyone had come to celebrate me. When I awoke, I could still feel the glow and energy of love. It’s still with me today when I recall that dream.

You and this world were created by an intelligent being. There are no mistakes. Realize your worth and value and let your brilliance shine.

Photo by Benjamin Earwicker at www.sxc.hu.home

From the kitchen table – Pat
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Harmony and Peace

Posted on December 6, 2007 by Pat

This is a poem I came across some time ago that I had forgotten about until I heard Dr. Wayne Dyer quote from it in a recent lecture series. I saw it in a small, beautifully illustrated publication in 2002 that I received in the mail and liked it so much I held onto it. The publication was called Heron Dance Art Studio, Issue 35 (Heron Dance Website) and I thought I’d share it with you:

The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth
Across the doors where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.
-RUMI

The secrets of life, yours and mine, are still available but not in the form we’re used to accessing. We’ve lost touch with the world that created us. That still, small voice we used to hear is blasted out by the noises and the hustle and bustle of everyday living. I remember when we first moved to the mountains 25 years ago I couldn’t get over how quiet it was. You could hear the wind from a distance pick up and slowly pass by in the trees. It took me six months to get used to the silence – it was deafening, at first, and then I began to slow down to the rhythms of the mountains. I just had to listen differently and tune into the ebb and flow of life happening all around me. It wasn’t demanding my attention – just flowing, and I could participate in the dance if I wanted to.

It’s a life force that never leaves us. You see it in the face of a newborn baby or in the eyes of an animal. They know it. It’s not a mystery to them as much as it is to us. We’ve separated ourselves and believe in a different reality. How did we get so removed from the rhythms of the cycles of life? The harmony and peace are still there, we just have to turn our attention to it – never withheld.

Leading up to this holiday season, turn your ear to the mysteries and still small voice you heard long ago beckoning you to tune in. When you hear it, don’t go back to sleep.

From the kitchen table – Pat
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Bless You – That’s All the Approval You Need

Posted on December 5, 2007 by Pat

I read something this morning that tends to go along with some of my most recent posts. It’s taken from a book I’m reading by Richard Bode entitled Beachcombing at Miramar: The Quest for an Authentic Life. He says, “This desire to please others, so widespread, so deeply rooted – I wonder where it comes from. Is it the result of what others do to us, or what we do to ourselves…..? We yearn for a blessing from those who have the power to bestow it on us, and when they don’t give us what we crave, we blame ourselves.”

This is true in many ways. A lot of times, the occupations we pick are to satisfy what someone else wants for us or where we live is to make our families happy. Are we living lives that are true and authentic for what we desire or are they carbon copies of others? Bode goes on to say, “The impoverished in spirit have no choice but to bless themselves. This is as true….for me, as it is for every individual who yearns for the affirmation they never had. We must bless ourselves; there is no other way. If we don’t, there is no telling how far we will go or what terrible acts we will commit to prove our worthiness.”

I got to thinking about this in relation to what I quoted from Dr. Northrup in my Nov 30th post $$$ Money $$$ – Where Is It – Where Can I Get Some?, where she says, “Those who have trouble receiving attract those who have trouble giving.” Perhaps, the approval we are pursuing lies in whether we can receive it or not. Can we give ourselves permission to receive the acknowledgement of a job done well? Sometimes, the approval is there and it comes but somewhere within we’re rejecting it before we can even see that it’s there.

I live in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado and every year for at least 20 years we get a permit from the U.S Forest Service to cut our Christmas tree. They have special areas set up for this every year to thin the forests. Yesterday was our assigned day to get our tree. It was a beautiful day, blue skies and mild temperatures for this time of year, a little wind and not much snow to trudge through. In the past, we’ve usually been able to spot our tree and have it cut and loaded in usually about 45 minutes. It was taking much longer this year and we went from spot to spot, get out and roam around only to come up short. I guess after 20 years of Christmas tree cutting in this area, the perfect-shaped trees had all been taken. We moved onto another area and my husband was getting a little discouraged but we decided to have patience and enjoy the scenery, beautiful day and allow the right tree to show itself to us. Then, there it was off to the distance next to a large, mature tree. It was like we were drawn to it. In the past, a part of me always felt a little sad to take a tree out of such a beautiful setting only to set it up in a warm house and adorn it with plastic ornaments and blinking lights. It felt unnatural. But it was different this time. It seemed like the tree offered itself to us wanting to celebrate with us the birth of Jesus and join us in prayer for Peace on Earth. After we gave thanks and asked blessings for the tree, we brought it back to the car, loaded it up and headed out to the main highway. As we were driving along the dirt Forest Service road, a rock outcropping caught my husband’s eye. It was a huge boulder balanced perfectly on top of another boulder. The boulder had a strong pull and so we stopped and got out and climbed up to it. There was such a strong, loving energy coming from the boulder and I put my arms around it as far as they would stretch as the boulder was immense. As I stood there, allowing myself to receive what energy this boulder was giving, I felt like it was giving me love and for the first time I could actually feel myself accepting it and receiving it. I permitted myself to receive this pure love without having to reciprocate. The energy was so strong and giving that it brought tears to my eyes. I felt like I had been reunited with an old friend. I think because I have been preparing and writing on a number of these types of subjects they had become more apparent to me and my awareness more acute when they presented themselves. The rest of the day continued this way and when we got home I was able to write the posting for my blog with the information coming together effortlessly (and I think it is one of my best postings – Footprints in the Sand – Footprints We Leave Behind). The day ended with the most beautiful sunset capturing gorgeous blue and orange hues. This was a perfect day and I realized it unfolded that way mostly because I allowed it and permitted myself to receive the blessing and accept what presented itself. Each day can be a perfect day for you and me, not just a random event, if we open ourselves up to the possibility. Permit yourself to be blessed and if there’s no one around to acknowledge it, bless yourself.

Richard Bode goes on to describe his appreciation for one of America’s most important and successful artist, Georgia O’Keeffe See Biography. He is moved not only by her paintings but by her words in which he quotes her saying, “I get out my work and have a show for myself before I have it publicly. I make up my own mind about it – how good or bad or indifferent it is. After that the critics can write what they please. I have already settled it for myself so flattery and criticism go down the same drain and I am quite free.”

Permit yourself to appreciate who you are and what you do. Don’t wait for someone else’s approval – bless yourself.

From the kitchen table – Pat
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