Do you remember putting puzzles together or painting by the numbers, when there was mostly sky? It was hard to find the pieces to put together, as there was nothing with which to match them up; or, in painting the sky, the same color got tiring ― maybe, even boring. It was how I was thinking about my life the past few months. Things slowed down to a halt with not much happening and I got to wondering what this was all about.
I’m back on my feet now, after breaking my ankle back in June, and I couldn’t feel more blessed. But, I had a lot of time to reflect waiting for it to heal. I wasn’t in a bad place, really; in fact, it was actually refreshing, after I stopped fighting and began to embrace where I’m at in this stage of my life. I had been given time to learn and be grateful.
Sitting out the summer has given me a different perspective. I have to say, this broken ankle is one of the hardest things I’ve experienced, from the start ― physically, mentally and emotionally ― mostly because I fought it. At first, I went through the whole gamut of emotions from angry to depressed feeling completely restrained.
There was so much I had planned to do this summer and it wasn’t sitting on my butt with limited mobility. We were coming out of winter, things were greening up and the air was warm and I was itching to be out of the house. The seasons are shorter in the mountains and springtime is slow coming at our altitude. I couldn’t wait to breathe in that fresh air, get out and do things, like work in the yard, or walk around exploring trails on mountain mini trips. (Please understand. I was having a major pity party. I knew I had some mobility and there was a lot I could still do.)
Truly, there were things I was just not willing to accept and I was making life much harder on myself than I needed to. Within me, I always know there is more going on for reasons yet unknown, when events like this happen in my life. With all the emotional triggers pushed, there would have been many reasons I would not have taken the time to sit still and notice. In these golden years, I felt time was running out.
But, I wasn’t getting it and it was like the universe had other ideas by pinning me down and have me look at things I’ve been avoiding all my life. I had space and time to really see me. There was probably no other way to confront some of those deeper hurts and issues. As I panned over the years of what happened and the things I had done, my life looked like a blue sky. Was it that empty with not much to show for it?
At first, that seemed pretty dull but over time my views began to change, Now, summer is over and fall is here and it won’t be long the snow will be flying. I have finally come to know that the time has not been wasted. I’ve realized, though a blue sky appears not to do anything, there is more going on than at first glance. To begin with:
- It’s blue and beautiful
- It gives air to breathe and stay alive
- It’s openness allows the birds to fly through and clouds to float
- It embraces the storms that come and allows them to pass on
- It absorbs oxygen from the trees and replenishes me with moisture
- It filters the sun’s rays to give me warmth and energy for growth
- It holds the moon and shares the stars to help me dream and rest
- It reminds me to be still and wonder at the goodness that’s around me
Instead of chasing after something I felt was missing in my life. I’ve realized that all I would ever need is already here. All the things I’ve done in my life were necessary and important to get me to where I am now. I don’t need to go out and look for it anymore ― it will find me and I will know it and what to do.
All those questions I asked myself ― “What is this all about?” “Why?”― are not necessary anymore. The word ‘courage’ came to me pretty clear at the start of this year. I don’t know that I’ve had a lot of courage or cooperated very well in all of this but I’ve really tried my best. It seems like the timing was right this year for me to put things in better order, though in the beginning I didn’t understand nor want to.
If I were a poet, maybe I’d put it to words something like this . . .
Like a big, beautiful sky
See how each day unfolds
Embracing life with arms open wide
Like a beautiful blue sky
It’s true in what Michael Monroe sings, “everything is as it should be”. I’ve had some lessons on that this summer and it feels good to reconnect and share them with you. If you’ve had similar feelings and experiences I’d love to hear how you handled them and what you did.
Thank you for your patience in my blogging absence. I’m happy to see you’re still here.
Pat from the ‘ol kitchen table
Dear Pat, your blue sky brings a message of peace and tranquility amidst the raging inner storm. This year has been one of the hardest for me and my family in a long while and through it all, I had to lay down so much. Yet, through those very circumstances enforcing us to lay down all that we had planned and wanted to do, somehow teaches us that maybe what we really need to do is to STOP and take in everything God is trying to show us, right in front of our noses. It’s wonderful that you are able to breathe again and know that ‘everything is as it should be’. Or, as my dad always used to say, ‘It is what it is’ 😉 God bless you Pat…and thank you so much for your amazing support through everything these past few years, especially this year and the loss of my dad. I am proud to call you my dear friend…your ‘blue sky’ experience has blessed me greatly, and you have achieved many great things…and you encourage many with your beautiful words and expression… <3
Thank you, Sherri. I’m glad you enjoyed it and brought you some peace and tranquility. I know it’s been a difficult year for you and, though in different ways, I feel we got through the fires together and come out the other side. These things do stop us in our tracks, whether we’re ready for it or not. But, there’s always a grace and love that’s given along with what we’re facing.
I’m glad to see it’s getting better for you and you’re coming back. I’m thankful we’re friends and can understand each other. Though we don’t understand a lot of times, it does get better and, thank God, “everything is as it should be”. Take care, my friend, and hope to see you again soon. Love and hugs. xxoo 🙂
You have always helped me to focus on that grace and love Pat…you have been a constant support with your quiet, strong and steadfast presence, kind, loving messages and words, for which I am eternally grateful. I hope you know I am always here for you too. I am so glad you are coming out the other side, you have come a long way my dear friend. I am so glad we can share our ups and downs – putting it mildly – and encourage one another. That’s what friends are for, after all! You take care too dear Pat, and I will definitely see you very soon! 🙂 Much love and hugs for a wonderful week ahead… Sherri <3 <3 <3
PS I meant to say, I loved your sweet, heartfelt poem 🙂 xoxo
Aw — you’re truly welcome, Sherri. I have come to really appreciate friends like you on the internet. To connect and share like we do from worlds apart has really blessed my life. It’s different from what who we see and interact with daily and I’m glad to play my part with you.
Thank you and I’m happy you liked my poem (my first attempt at anything like that) and many blessings to you this week. God bless. xxoo 🙂
Happy to hear that you are back on both feet again! This is off topic however I just want to say that I will be thinking about my American friends tomorrow, on election day, and pray that the results turn out to be what is best for Americans, for the nation, and the world. Pat, you likely know where my support is, however I leave it to the voters to determine their fate.
Thank you, Bev. Your kind words mean a lot not only for me getting back on my feet but also for the uncertainties that face us and our country on our current election. I can’t help but think that no matter what things look like and the fears we feel in these troubling times, that there’s a greater Source in charge. I pray and look to that for guidance, compassion and love in the days to come. I cherish your warm comfort and loving energy exchange across our borders, my friend. Hugs xxoo 🙂