We all have people in our lives that we love and love us. Do you ever stop to think if there are conditions of love that you have placed on the ones you love or vice versa? In turn, are there conditions we have to meet before we are loved by those in our lives we want to love us? I think we put these conditions in place automatically without giving it much thought. It’s not something we consciously realize that we even do. In fact, I would be willing to bet without knowing it you may have put your own conditions on love. It’s so subtle that it’s hardly noticeable except to the person you love.

Relationships, for example, are supposed to be partnerships. But how many times do we point the finger at our partner blaming him/her for not following through on their part – or disappointing us in some way? When things aren’t going the way we want them to our loved ones seem to be the first to catch it all. I’m reminded of something the famous singer, James Taylor, said in an interview last weekend on a program called Sunday Morning. He said, “Unconditional love can melt the hardest rock.” I never heard it put quite that way but in just a few words he captured it perfectly having had some rocky relationships himself and problems with substance abuse. All the times that it may have been pointed out to him, “How he was ruining his life”, or “How he was going to lose everything if he didn’t straighten out”, didn’t seem to work – except unconditional love. Our hearts are hard when we know we’re messing up and we’re not doing all of what we’re supposed to be doing. We don’t want anyone pointing it out to us. We wouldn’t hear it. We only hear the tapes going on in our heads all the time, anyway.

So, how does someone love unconditionally? How do you love this way without being brought down or sometimes physically hurt in the process? When you accept their behavior are you enabling them to continue on the same path? This is a conundrum to me. I don’t know the best course of action to take and still love unconditionally. When you have a pet, that animal loves you unconditionally and accepts you no matter what mood you’re in. They’ll leave you alone if they sense they could be in danger and keep loving you from a distance. I don’t think it’s on the same level as with humans because of our thought processes but on a simpler level there’s something to be learned.

The conclusion I’ve made is that I believe unconditional love only works with the guidance and insight from God – your Source, Higher Power – whatever label you place on it. When you seek to follow that guidance and listen to your heart, you’ll be shown how to give that unconditional love no matter who you choose to love or what the situation and your ego won’t be involved. Each individual and situation is unique and no one person knows what is going on in a person’s heart and mind and we have to trust on spiritual guidance. No two situations appearing alike can be treated the same.

When I was meditating earlier today, I was able to feel unconditional love. It was gentle and sweet, safe and all encompassing. Have you felt that in your quiet moments of meditation or prayer – or just quiet moments? There’s a presence that knows you from the core of your being and lovingly accepts YOU without recourse. It feels so inviting – so good! You’re accepted totally for who you are not what you’ve done. You may not be receiving what you want in life because what you believe and act on is keeping you from what you want but through it all – you’re loved – bottom line. What you’re wanting is not being withheld from you because you’re not living up to some expectation. We block these gifts and blessings ourselves. This presence only knows who you truly are and your potential and only wants good things for us – loving us unconditionally.

How about loving like that? It’s not as simple as I’ve presented it here; in fact, more could be written, in volumes, and probably has. What are your thoughts today on unconditional love and how have you experienced it and given it?

From the kitchen table – Pat
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Merry Christmas and greetings to everyone around the world of all faiths. We send you peace and good tidings from our home to yours. May you have love, joy and glad tidings now and throughout the whole year.

Photo by Ashley Hittinger at www.sxc.hu.home

From the kitchen table – Pat
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I talked in an earlier post, “Finding Inspiration”, on this topic and wanted to share more. Inspiration can come from a number of ways. This time of year, especially with the music and gathering of loved ones and friends, those warm memories and thoughts are created. But what if you don’t have the external reminders that bring inspiration? What do you draw on then?

Sometimes, it’s just a passing thought and if you catch it and hold it, something can materialize from it and you’ll be amazed at the outcome. I’ll give you an example of inspiration that happened to me.

Back in 2000, I was still working in the corporate world and I was reading a book from Ram Dass entitled, Still Here, which stirred me. I came across a passage where he’s talking about facilitating an Elder Circle through the Omega Institute in New York. He describes it:

“The oldest people in the group sit in a large circle, and the younger people sit just behind them. We use a talking stick, a custom adopted from a Native American tradition, and as they are ready, members of the inner circle can walk to the center, take the talking stick, return to their seats, and share their wisdom with the rest of the group….This is an opportunity for people to share their own wisdom and to contribute it to the collective group wisdom. Many people flower in the richness of this process, as the group becomes aware of how each person holds some part of the complex mosaic that is elder wisdom.”

I read this and had a fleeting thought, “Why not have something like this in the corporate world? We need to be able to talk and ‘flower’.” I mentioned it to my manager and he said to put something together and that evening on the way home on the bus, there I sat in the back writing notes in the back pages of a pocket calendar. My bus ride was 2 hours long with having to change buses in the middle of it all – I kept writing. The thoughts and ideas just kept flowing so much so that it was hard to contain not to mention I was running out of room to write on the pages of that small calendar. By the time I reached my destination, I had a draft outline and that night I put it in a presentation which I gave to my boss the next day. I didn’t think much about it until a couple of days later when he walked passed my desk from a meeting and said, “You’re on the hook!” I followed him into his office and asked him what he meant and he said, “You’re on the hook to give your talking-stick presentation in the next staff meeting tomorrow.” I was nervous and scared but I knew the birth of these talks was a result of acting on this inspiration. You can read another experience on this in my very first posting “Truth and Beauty”.

I hope you find inspiration today in whatever you’re doing. That still small voice is poised to whisper in your ear some thought or suggestion that may put you on track for a whole new life. Tune in and enjoy the ride.

From the kitchen table – Pat
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All of us have those special moments we reflect on especially during Christmas. You can remember when you were a child and how everything seemed so simple then – so innocent and pure. It was and it’s supposed to be!

I remember one night before Christmas; it was almost time for bed and I was getting excited. I looked out the window in the dark night and looked up in the sky with my face pressed against the cool windowpane searching for Santa. I didn’t see him but I distinctly remember hearing bells jingle as if a sleigh swooshed by overhead. That was all I needed before settling down for bed with my imaginations all aglow. Can you imagine what the children are feeling and remembering right now and how excited they are with anticipation as Christmas gets closer?

There was another time at Christmas, as a child still believing in Santa, when in our neighborhood there was a tradition of Santa coming around in his sleigh on a trailer pulled by a truck. We would watch for it, like the ice cream man, because there would be music playing from speakers and bright lights as he made his way up and down the streets. When we heard the music and knew he was on his way we would don our coats and hats and run out the door. As you made your way up to where the sleigh had stopped and saw Santa sitting there, it was like a dream. There in the cool, crisp night looking up at Santa, waiting your turn, you felt like all your prayers were answered. Then, when your turn came and you stepped up on the truck and sat on his lap and told him what you wanted for Christmas, it didn’t matter whether you ever got what you asked for or not. You just got to be with Santa. It was magical. I can still remember the sounds, smells and feelings I carried with me through the night and into Christmas day. He then gave you a netted stocking with small toys and candy as you moved your way down letting the next child step up.

What personal reflections do you have this Christmas? How do you remember it? Who were the people you enjoyed it with? Can you remember the excitement – the anticipation? Can you remember going to church, listening to music with the carols being sung depicting the holiness of the season on the eve of Christ’s birth? What would that night have been like over two thousand years ago? How important was that for you? What did you feel as you knelt and prayed?

Yes, it’s a magical time of the year and if you’ve not been as fortunate to have that many memories to draw on, you can start this year to make memories for yourself and whoever will be sharing it with you. If you’re alone this Christmas, know that there’s an intelligence out there that knows right where you’re at – at all times. As I mentioned in a previous post, “Authenticity”, Dr. Wayne Dyer quotes from A Course in Miracles something like, “If you knew who walked beside you on this path you have chosen you would never be fearful again.”

This Christmas, as you listen to the sounds of the children giggling and laughing over their new toys, the smells coming from the kitchen as you change channels for another football game, know that no matter what has brought you to this place where you are right now, you’re right where you’re supposed to be. There may be an angel waiting for you to help them get their wings. Listen for the jingle of the bells.

From the kitchen table – Pat
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I touched on this topic last weekend with some of the residents at Morningstar Assisted Living when we talked about “Generosity”.
Down through the years, there have always been people giving and people receiving but the quality of how we give and receive has changed. Also, our attitudes and the value we place on what we give has changed. Perhaps, today, because we live in a culture where products are mass produced, we’re used to getting what we want instantaneously and in the process we lose some of the appreciation.

In the past, the carpenter or cabinet maker that honed their craft and built each item by hand were unique in their style. It took weeks, sometimes months, before it was completed. When it was finished, it was a piece of art. There was no piece exactly alike and the craftsmanship and labor that went into those pieces were greatly appreciated because of the work that was put into it. When you gave or received a gift like this, the attitude was different. You knew what it took to construct that piece and it wasn’t taken lightly.

Today, we have so many choices and very little consideration is taken into the expertise of the craftsmanship. Yes, we want to buy quality work and you can tell by inspection if the work is good or poor but that’s usually where it ends. It’s not just in how we buy our gifts today that is different; it’s that we’ve lost the appreciation or value of these gifts. There’s no way we’d be able to supply the demand if mass production didn’t come into play but something has changed down through the years in why we give and how. We have a shopping list and we check it off as we purchase the items. It’s more of how much I accomplished: with that job now being out of the way – onto what else do I have to do. I know. I’m shopping at Christmas. It can be a horrendous undertaking. What I’m talking about is our attitude with how and what we’re giving….and receiving. There are two sides and I’ve just talked about the giving side. It needs to be balanced.

Don’t you know how excited you get when you’ve found that perfect gift you know your sister or brother will love? It makes you feel good and you can’t wait to give it to them. You watch as they take the package and you anxiously wait as they tear it open. It’s pure joy not only for them but for you. It’s also pure joy for the person receiving that gift and seeing you beam as they open it. They are just as blessed. This is the art of receiving and it is just as important. I would venture to say that for most of us it’s easier to give than to receive. I wonder why that is. Perhaps, it’s a sense of humility or a reflection of self worth. I don’t know but I’ll be noting my reactions. (I’m still thinking about this on a personal note.) But no matter what, how expensive or how large the gift, it’s the spirit and attitude of which it was both given and received – the love that was exchanged. We can teach our children these attitudes by helping them shop or make gifts to give during Christmas and on special occasions throughout the year. Then, they can also learn the spirit of giving not just receiving. They seem to have that receiving thing down pat.

Enjoy this holiday season and take note of the attitudes you place on giving and receiving this year. It will enhance and bless the spirit of the season even more.

From the kitchen table – Pat
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