Flickering Awareness

Sun in clouds - Karen Davis Photo

Used with Permission — *Karen Davis Photo at Facebook’s “Open Door Dreaming”

My awareness flickers ― on and off. Have you ever had that happen to you? So many times I catch moments when I feel a special warmth and connection. I try hard to hold onto it but it fades, like how *Oriah describes so well in her poem below.

       Waking Up With The Beloved

As I pulled up out of sleep in the morning light,
I felt the Beloved sitting at the foot of my bed
beaming such love,
I felt every molecule of my being singing.
I struggled not to wake up,
afraid I would lose awareness of this Presence,
frightened that the way it filled my heart
with all I had ever ached for
would fade if I opened my eyes.
But a voice said: “It’s okay.
Open your eyes.
I am everywhere.
Your awareness flickers on and off,
like sunlight moving through clouds,
but I am here, always with you.”

~ Used with permission by Oriah (c) 2015

It’s in what she goes on to say I can picture that takes me back to the moment of my awareness ― it does flicker like sunlight in the clouds. I can feel it moving, as if it stops, then there’s a gentle flow, in and out. I feel the warmth and then a sudden coolness. It’s nice and peaceful and I want to remain there as long as my awareness allows.

But, it’s fickle and won’t be contained and I struggle with thinking that I must be doing something wrong. Then, as I read it again, I’m gently reminded not to admonish but only to know, “It’s okay . . . I am everywhere . . . I am here, always with you”.

Pat from the ol’ kitchen table

*inspired by famed poet, Oriah Mountain Dreamer for the “Invitation”, on her site at “The Green Bough” and by Karen Davis’ photo at Facebook’s “Open Door Dreaming”.

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Acknowledgements: "Wake Up With The Beloved" - Oriah (c more...

23 thoughts on “Flickering Awareness

  1. I understand, from my experience and study, that spiritual awareness can “flicker”…

    I feel one of the prime causes is the heavy toll our materialistic culture makes on our consciousness—a constant bombardment that forces us to pay attention to the Surface of Life rather than its Core…

    • Hi Alexander — I’m glad you knew about that from your spiritual study and experience. It makes sense but it was a new concept for me. The light went on when I read it and don’t know why I never thought of it in that way before. Thank you for coming back. I truly enjoy your wisdom and insights.

    • Hi Alexander — I got to thinking more about what you said on the prime causes of flickering awareness and our materialistic culture. I can see that but I don’t think it’s that simple because it minimizes our responsibility, even though it sure seems to mess with quieting our minds. I know my mind goes to auto-chatter a lot.

      While our materialistic culture indeed plays a big part in what we focus on, I think, like you eluded to, we’ve lost touch with the child within — the essence of who we are when we came into this world. We slowly abandoned it when we began developing mentally and physically thinking that’s what mattered most. At least, it’s what we came to believe.

      Maybe, where we can start is by getting back to the Core, like you said, and connecting with our child self again. Just putting it out there — food for thought.

      • Very good food for thought 🙂

        Though, I don’t think our awareness that the materialistic culture dims our awareness of our Core in any way minimizes our responsibility to “immunize” ourselves against the din and tumult of the Surface…

        • True, Alexander, and thank you — maybe what I’m trying to say, instead of minimize our responsibility, is that looking at materialistic culture as a reason for flickering awareness may be easier for the answers or blame rather than looking at ourselves.

    • Hi Bob — thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you like it. If you mean the snow header picture, I took it last winter in our backyard down by the barn. We had gotten a lot more snow than we have so far this year. I wrote about it and posted these pictures in a post called, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside“. I had to make some of the pictures smaller because their size messed up my site.

    • Thank you, Susan. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I appreciate you sharing that scripture. It’s fitting and gives me feelings of comfort and safety, especially in the tumultuous times we’re living in right now.

  2. Wouldn’t our lives be different if we could hold that awareness all the time Pat? It’s too easy forget that the spiritual is everywhere – though perhaps our awareness flickers so that we don’t become complacent, so we can still get that feeling of awe to remind us 🙂

    • Hi Andrea — I like your perspective and suspect you’re right on why our awareness flickers so we don’t become complacent. We’re a species that likes to make things easy and take shortcuts. Given the time dimension we live in, I imagine if we could hold that awareness all the time, we would get bored. Thank you for your insights — personally, I like that feeling of awe and am grateful for the reminders.

  3. Hi Pat, I’m so sorry that I seem to have missed some of your posts my friend, and what a beautiful one this is. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks but trying to ‘get back on my feet’ now. It is a wonder that we have any awareness at all with all that bombards us isn’t it? I think of the mornings when I sit quietly with my tea and read a daily devotional just for a few minutes. It helps concentrate my mind as I struggle every single morning with a darkenss that threatens to swamp me. It is in those moments that the light flickers but I have to remember it as the day goes on for fear of forgetting the quiet peace and calm of those few moments. Have a beautiful day of peace and calm my friend.

    • Hi Sherri — thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it and it helped in getting you in touch with that sweet place, only for you, where it’s quiet and peaceful. I know what you mean about being bombarded and the threat of darkness. Got some stuff going on, too, in our family. I don’t know what’s going around but seems like I sense more of it everywhere in the world. You’re not alone. Just hang in there, doing what you’re doing staying close to your Source and that peace, my friend. All is well. Hugs 🙂

      • Bless you dear Pat, dear friend, thank you so much. I am sorry you have stuff going on too with your family. It is a dark world but as you say, we pray and keep close to our light, to all that is blessed and good. Sending you love, hugs and peace my friend, I hope you have a good day today <3

        • Thank you for your warm support, Sherri — we’re good working through stuff okay, like you said. I agree that there’s places where the world is dark and I don’t think any of us can escape those times when life gets heavy and we feel overwhelmed. But, for me, what’s important is how I respond (versus) react to it.

          If I look at the big picture and think about it, in terms of light and shadows, there wouldn’t be much of a picture without the contrasting dark shadows. So, there’s a beauty in the composition — light/dark, high note/low note — all in harmony. Somehow, it’s all necessary to balance things out.

          I try to remember this poem, when the awareness appears to flicker, that it’s never really gone. It’s always there — just behind a cloud for a bit. Hugs and peace back to you, my friend, always. 🙂

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