Can you remember a time, when you wanted something so bad, you prayed and prayed for it? I can ― a couple of times, actually, that stand out for me. Once was when I was a child and the other was when I am an adult, married with a young family and new residents in the mountains.
Thanks to a fellow blogger, Susan at “Finding Our Way Now”, for one of her stories that reminded me of this one particular time when I am an adult. I had completely forgotten about it and had to dig through my journals to recapture the events of what happened.
I hope it rekindles a time in your heart when you prayed for something you wanted. It’s doesn’t always have to be crucial where it will take moving heaven and earth. It may be for something small or pointless. What’s important is that it matters to you. The answers may not come in the form of a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Maybe, they just come in a way of understanding. That’s what happened for me.
So, here is something I wanted and prayed for as it is entered in my journal:
(6-7-01 3:30 am Thursday)
The dream I had some 15 years ago came to me and I remembered it. We went to look at a mare that was pregnant and I loved her. I didn’t know anything about horses but I really wanted her. I remember during the day while the girls were in school sitting on the floor in the living room and looking out the back sliding glass door. It must have been in the fall because the air was still warm with a little crispness to it and the sky was real blue with white puffy clouds.
I closed my eyes to pray and get quiet and ask for this horse. I pray in the spirit and remembered how deep the prayer was and how much in earnest I wanted this horse. While my eyes were closed it was like a dream or vision I had.
I was a little girl and my daddy was holding my hand. I never saw his face only knew he was next to me and holding my hand. We went into a toy store and I was so excited. There were shelves and shelves of toys. At eye level I picked a horse and wanted it so bad and tugging on his hand and pleading for that toy horse.
He said, “No” and I was so upset and getting myself so worked up. When all of a sudden I saw him reach up high and hand me a toy horse that was so beautiful ― more magnificent than I ever dreamed. I couldn’t see it because I wasn’t that tall.
The remembering of how that felt helped me to understand and be patient. What we see may not be what we really want if we were able to see all the choices we have. I learned to trust in my daddy ― in a source that can see and understand more than I can right now.
That dream or vision eased my earnest praying for that mare that I wanted so bad. She might not have been a bad choice just not the best choice for us. Not long after that, we got Spring Star and still have her and she truly has been good for our family.
We had Spring Star for over 30 years and finally lost her in 2011. She definitely was the best choice for our family and we learned many things never having owned horses. The care and responsibility that goes into taking care of such a noble creature I never would have experienced had it not been for her. It changed things in what our children saw and experienced and became a major part of our lives.
In rereading this, my first thought was critical in thinking how selfish I was, when there are people praying for things far more serious and important than mine. But when I softened with more compassion for myself, I could see another gem to the story and that was, “I was heard and it mattered to let me know.”
Too many times I’ve felt insignificant, like a small fish in a big pond. How can what I say or what I want be acknowledged when there are far too many important issues and people asking for help? But, I was answered and it mattered not by what I did or the urgency but just by the pure fact of being loved. It warms my heart in remembering this event and the tender words of an old hymn I once listened to as a child.
“His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me.”
Pat from the ol’ kitchen table