A Better Way

Photo of Road During Daytime by Quang Nguyen Vinh on Pexels.com at https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-road-during-daytime-3872146/

I watch and observe what’s playing out these days in governments, politics and the media and I ask myself, “Isn’t there a better way?” Whether we’re in the era of gladiators, Civil War or pandemic, the scenarios are different but the human dilemma is the same. It’s the powerful versus the powerless. Each side digs in until they get enough support to overcome the other side and then, when they succeed, they proceed to reign over the rest but in a different way. It’s a never ending cycle.

Oh, we’ve evolved and improved life, as we know it, but we just can’t seem to get passed this power play. I wonder what it will take . . . are we experiencing that right now, the birth of a better way, in this pandemic where it doesn’t have a preference nor takes sides?

“The Real You” by Alan Watts

There were many power plays I observed growing up and noted briefly in my last post, “Imperfection”, when I said my parents were from the North and South. That’s a reference to the Civil War era where places in the U.S. will always hold onto their ancestors’ deference of pride and belief.

In the South, on summer vacations as a young child, I witnessed anger and hate between my grandfather and his black neighbor and the heated exchanges they had with each other. The police came to cool things down but the anger remained and I wondered how it began. It’s been more than a century since we had slavery in this country, that resulted in a Civil War, and the lack of understanding and respect on both sides still causes conflicts.

The human dilemma . . . and how far back does it go? I suppose it’s been there since the beginning of time and we’ve all taken turns on one side or the other, either being the one to hurt and apply force or the other who is beaten down and wounded.

My grandmother, as years passed, grew weary of the feud and cut down the story-tall hedge along the driveway that separated their homes. I don’t know if that was the beginning of change or not – time has a way of revealing truth and the handling of past events. On the day of my grandmother’s funeral, my sister and I were walking up to the funeral home when we saw an elderly black man with a straw hat coming out. We recognized him as their neighbor long ago. He gestured as he paused to acknowledge his condolences and we noticed a tear on his cheek.

Growing up in the North, south of Philly in blue-collar family suburbs, the culture was different than the South. Struggles were not as much focused between colors of skin as it was with money and power between the “haves” and “have-nots”. My family was no different in that I observed those struggles with my parents in their community and their neighbors. In what I can remember, gathered from stories I’ve heard, our little community was built by a somewhat rich developer. Even the name of our street we lived on was named after him, “Love”. He had influence in the community and politics where even some regulations became law from his recommendations.

They didn’t have property management companies in those days but fines were enforced if certain laws were not abided by. My dad grumbled at having to cut his grass, as his pie-shaped lot was larger than most because it was on a curve. Likewise, he grumbled at having to shovel the sidewalk, again twice as long as others. And, if he didn’t comply in a set amount of time he was threatened with a fine.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to keep his home kept up and safe for the neighborhood. It was how those in power flexed their muscles and enjoyed it. Many of times I heard him complain . . . “old man Love is at it again” . . . or “old man Love is making us do this now.” I don’t know whether any of that is true or not. I just remember the mutters every time we passed his big house on the hill when coming up out of our complex.

This is mild compared to the many union battles and displays of anger and hate between workers and owners. My father was a welder in the shipyards and spoke of the many disputes disgruntled workers were having with their employers either over wages or working conditions. In some places, it even came to violence. The scenarios are different now but the battles still linger on.

Is there a better way? Is it possible we could make a shift, while in the midst of a pandemic that doesn’t play favorites and economic losses that, if not already touched by it, seep out and eventually affect everyone? I’m hopeful we can draw on a source deep within us and learn a different way than how it’s been done . . . forever. Perhaps, it would look something like this.

Years ago, I came across this passage by Ram Dass in his book, “Still Here”:

“…when there is true surrender and service between people, the roles of helper and helped, and the boundaries between those in power and those who are powerless, begin to dissolve.”

These words have always stuck with me and I’ve wondered what true surrender and service would look like in my own heart. How do I truly surrender when I look to be validated and want my voice heard? And, what is true service look like aside from volunteering and giving of my time when it fits in my life.

I think Mother Teresa was the pure example of what true surrender and service looked like. She had a poem above her bed in her little ashram in Calcutta, India where she must have looked every day before stepping out on the street (similar to the 1968 publication by Dr. Kent M. Keith called the Paradoxical Commandments).  It goes like this:

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

The Final Analysis” — Dr. Wayne Dyer

We’re living in unusual times. In my 70+ years, I don’t remember when we’ve had a disease spread across our country and the whole world not only taking lives but causing economic hardships for many. It’s something calling our attention, where we no longer have the luxury of sitting on the sidelines watching others go through it, but where it can potentially touch each one of us in some way or another. It gives me pause to look deeper within myself and seek direction on what part I have to play.

As I do, I can’t help but reflect on those great teachers that have left behind for us their nuggets of truth. At this time and space, there is opportunity to find a better way. Where we’re poised at a crossroads we’ve never seen before, I believe it’s possible. Do we listen and understand?

“It may be when we no longer know what we have to do, we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey” ~~ Wendell Berry

Pat from the ‘ol kitchen table

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Acknowledgements: Photo of road during daytime by Quang more...

Being Human

Children-daffodils-flowers

Children-daffodils-flowers Courtesy MSN Clipart

This, being human, has it’s interesting twists and turns. Some days I’m tuned in while others I’m at a total loss and confused. But, this poem puts it back in perspective for me and is tender in helping me realize what’s important in life and why I’m here.

The Guest House ~~ by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~~~~~~~~

I can relate and understand that ups and downs are lessons, if I listen. Some just don’t make sense but that’s the point. It’s not what I understand with my head but with my heart. As I travel further on this journey, with this insight, I see the magic.

Sometimes, these twists and turns teach us to face our biggest fears. It reminds me of a story, I once read I never forgot, in “Saint Francis” by Nikos Kazantzakis (page 93),  where he had a dreamlike vision. The one thing Francis was most terrified of was the very thing he was instructed to do . . . kiss a leper on the mouth.

I can pretty much guess this isn’t something we would be asked to do today but the fear Saint Francis experienced with being challenged to follow through on this request was as real as any we could possibly face now. You could sense his entire body was tormented and trembling at the very thought of it.

To paraphrase, this story goes on like this: Almost paralyzed in fear, the next day Francis managed to get up and walk down the road, with Brother Leo, attentive for the sound of bells off in the distance. This was the sound of a leper coming. They wore bells to let others know they were near

Francis soon heard it and as he got closer he could see the leper. He came close and gazed in horror as half of his nose had been eaten away. His hands had no fingers and were just stumps and his wounded lips were oozing.

Ignoring his own terror, Francis then embraced him, throwing himself upon the leprous man and kissed him upon the lips choosing instead to follow God’s request. He, then, picked him up, wrapped him in his robe and began carrying him toward the city. As he got closer, Francis stopped and bent down to uncover the robe carrying the leper but as he pulled it away the robe was empty.

Unable to speak, Francis suddenly realized, with tears flowing from his eyes and falling to the ground to kiss the earth, that it wasn’t a leper at all. It was Christ Himself who had come in the form of a leper to test his faith.

You may ask if we’re really tested like this . . . maybe or not. But, magic happens, like Saint Francis experienced, when we have the same realizations. Our eyes are opened to the same possibilities, when we accept challenges we face each day and ignore our greatest fears. Are the beliefs we have real or are they just illusions?

How strong is the belief that we’ll risk our very lives to hold on to it. That’s the greatest challenge some are facing today in very real ways and it’s valid. It’s like the story of the man holding on to a rope unwilling to let go.

And a little like what I saw yesterday at a breakfast gathering when the conversation turned to the latest controversial topic of immigration and children being separated from their families.

The emotions were real, strong and valid. There was anger, yet tears in the eyes of the one who spoke. Even though our positions are different, I understood. I had been there and felt the dilemma on the inside where beliefs are so strong and justified but being challenged with different feelings from the heart. It’s hard to know what is true and how to let go.

It’s something we each struggle with and have to learn to identify. When we get what we think is guidance, who’s talking and can I trust it? Individually, it takes time to figure that out. But with it comes magic. It’s possible to work through and so worth it on the other side.

Thank you for reading and hope you’ll share some thoughts and experiences you’ve had too.

Pat from the ol’ kitchen table.

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Acknowledgements: The Guest House - by Rumi and transla more...

Shifts and Changes ― Being Real

Full Length Mirror Photo - MSN Clipart

Full Length Mirror Photo – MSN Clipart

I remember at the beginning of January, it became very clear in one of my
meditations that this would be a year of tremendous growth mentally and
spiritually for me.  Continue reading

Pacing the Cage

Photo by MSN free Clipart Image from officeimg.vo.msecnd.net

A couple of lyrics from a song “Pacing the Cage” (written and sung by Bruce Cockburn and also performed by Jimmy Buffett) makes me wonder about the world as I see it today. It’s not bad – it has just become different and maybe we can change with it:

“I never knew what you all wanted, so I gave you everything.”  … AND

“Sometimes the best map will not guide you.  You can’t see what’s round the bend.”

I’ve taken notice lately of a lot of dramatic changes not only in the ways we communicate, earn a wage, but how we relate to each other to name a few.  What appears to have worked well in the past doesn’t quite work as well and I see more people frustrated and “pacing the cage”, so to speak.

It’s all linked together and I’ve wondered how we’ve given everything and traded our souls for a false security?  Only we don’t realize the security is false until our jobs are outsourced or our partners move on to someone else. Sometimes we feel we’re doing all the right things and yet we feel anxious, pacing.

We invest in a college education only to find when we graduate the jobs are not there. Or you work your whole life and follow the rules only to come up short at the other end wondering what happened to it. Then you dig in and work some more only to realize your value in the workforce is not as great because of your age.

Could it be what we’ve bought into all along are not the real goods?  Could it be what we’ve been programmed and conditioned to believe has not just been for our best interest but rather to make it easier for others. Maybe by following the rules we believed we would in turn always be taken care of. We no longer had to think for ourselves – it was someone else’s responsibility.

In school we’re signaled when to move from one class to another or you start work by clocking in and clocking out when you leave.  Somewhere along the way we’ve sold out and learned to move along with the masses instead of engaging with our true nature and talents and being rewarded for that.

This new world will require us to deliver unique gifts and talents that have value and we have to learn how to move with it. No longer accepted will be the cookie cutter – template approach but unique services and products with our personal intellect and energy, individual connection and quality.

  1. Just begin – start somewhere but start.
  2. Ask yourself what you love to do and then research and investigate ways to create and bring it into the world. The internet offers a wealth of opportunities to do that.
  3. Listen to your intuition and act on it when you have the slightest thoughts on how to create what you want and what direction to take.
  4. Bring the best of who you are to whatever you do – give it value.
  5. Recommend checking out information on Seth Godin’s new book “Linchpin” giving insight into what we can do now.

I would suggest that if you feel a little restless and “pacing the cage” it’s because of the shifts and changes in the world and it’s time to step back and take inventory of our lives and make some changes.

Take back our lives and depend on ourselves to move forward with the talents we’ve been given. The world is waiting and hungry for what you and I have to offer.  There’s a genius in each of us. What do you think?

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table