6 Ways to Overcome Adversity

This past week, I’ve read so many blogs with examples of how people deal with adversity and shine. Going through a bit of adversity myself at present, it has been a source of inspiration and hope in seeing how people face
adversity and walk through the fire overcoming what appears to be insurmountable odds. My challenges are in no way as great as what some of these people have faced and yet I can understand, being in the middle of it, what has to be done to keep going otherwise it will consume you.

If you’re alive, you have already been introduced in some way to adversity. It comes with the territory. From the moment you’re first born your body triggers the need to eat and you don’t get your nutrition the same way you used to through the bloodstream. Now, you have to cry for it as it doesn’t come automatically. But eventually, you learn how this works and you eventually get good at it and you get your milk.

Adversity, though it may be difficult and uncomfortable at best, can be a tool that teaches us how to operate in this world as spiritual beings having a physical body and through trial and error we learn what works. We can resist and have our temper tantrums but eventually through all of it we become our best – we become the pearl. Here are some of the pearls that are shining through adversity or have overcome it:

1. COURAGE
I can’t imagine being faced with a life-threatening disease and yet so many of you out there are doing just that with a positive attitude and a smile on your face. You’re asking us how we are and comforting us. Your light shines bright through adversity and you’ve been given divine assistance to carry your purpose through to help all of us. I watch Randy Pausch (see a previous post Passion and Enthusiasm, who has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, encouraging us with the Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams lecture noted to be his last lecture at Carnegie Mellon and giving regular updates on how he’s doing on his site. Randy’s conviction to live fully with love and passion is a true reminder of what is important and he doesn’t stop there. He points us to someone who has inspired him and no doubt given him courage to face his own adversity: Jim Valvano, a professional basketball coach giving his reception speech for the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the 1993 ESPY’s. Our attitudes sustain us through difficulties. If you want to feel sorry for yourself you can only do that for awhile as it never changes anything. What these people have shown and are showing us is courage to walk-the-walk and talk-the-talk in whatever cards they’re dealt in this life and to help others in the process.

2. FOCUS
Marc Allen in The Greatest Secret of All-Moving Beyond Abundance to a Life of True Fulfillment shares how he took a difficult time in his life and envisioned an Ideal (Scene) Life (see a previous post on Ideal Scene and Goal Setting). He wrote down in detail what that life would look like in 5 years. He not only envisioned this life but aligned himself with the feelings as if his Ideal Life was present. He then wrote out his goals and how he would accomplish them. He kept this Ideal Life as a focus as he met each difficulty and struggled with the self-doubts. He had a focus and purpose and kept on task working through each obstacle. I remember one powerful little phrase he used over and over that he got from a book he had read by Catherine Ponder on the power of affirmations: “….in an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way – repeated thousands of times, overcame a lot of those doubts and fears.” In meditation and throughout the day I repeat this phrase and use it to fit my situation. To intend to focus on what you want, feel it and replace those thoughts that threaten your well being with affirmations is powerful.

3. TAKE ACTION
Patricia Singleton in her last post in Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker talks about her personal situation overcoming abuse. I admire and honor her for deciding when she had had enough and took action to better her life. She decided to no longer continue subjecting herself to others who were harmful and did not have her best interest at heart, even when they were the very ones in charge of her care. Our hearts tell us when the time is right and we have to not only listen but act. Sometimes, it’s immediate action we need to take as in Patricia’s case and other times it’s more subtle. A lot of times we just settle and live with the situation but in order to see any improvement or change taking action is part of overcoming adversity.

4. GRATITUDE AND HUMILITY
Adversity makes us most vulnerable especially at times when we don’t know the outcome. Alex Blackwell wrote a recent article in his The Next 45 Years blog sharing a personal incident with his wife’s surgery. We wait and watch in this moment of adversity and wonder if this time it won. We draw on our resources and on the things we’ve been taught and have practiced and it’s when we finally realize the preciousness of life that new hope arises. Our hearts fill with gratitude for those we love and the little things they do and we’re humbled with how fast things can change in the blink of an eye. To be gracious of the circumstances at hand and turn them over to a higher power and thankful for being blessed carry us through the unknown side of adversity.

5. POSITIVE ATTITUDE
How many times have you heard the nay-sayers say, “You can’t do that!”? I know I’ve heard it. They’re out there ready to jump on the first thing when you slip. But it’s how you react and what you decide to believe about yourself that pushes through adversity, even when you’re the only one believing it. How many things exist in our world today because someone listened to their inner voice instead of popular opinion? Stephen Hopson has a blog called Adversity University where he shares his own personal stories of adversity being deaf and pursuing a public speaker career. He also includes interviews with others who have also overcome adversity – one is coming up soon with Phil Gerbyshak with his own personal story holding onto the thought – I think I can…I know I can…

6. DON’T GIVE UP
When we’re in the middle of these adversities we can be taken off balance and if we’re not conscious go into a tailspin. Thoughts, nay-sayers, evidence, fear all seem to be on the same team predicting your demise. And then, an article comes along that lifts you up and encourages reminding you that the universe always supports you gently shedding light on the limited beliefs you’ve been acting on. Nicholas Powiull in his post says, “The universe by design takes care of us, the more alignment we are with our highest joy in each moment, the easier, and more rapidly, the universe can do its job. When you think you have to push, bend, mold, and oblige things in place with force then you are missing the greatest opportunity of life.” He goes on to say, “If you want negative situations to discontinue then you must be okay with the fact that they will NEVER EVER STOP.”

The point is to not give up even in the midst of adversity. Know we are supported by a great invisible team ready to go to work on our behalf. But it’s up to us in how we respond and where we put our energy. Be determined to see it through to the end using all of your resources.

As Dale Carnegie said, “Most of the important things in the world have been accompanied by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”

From the kitchen table – Pat
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Hope you’ll come back for another visit. You’re welcome to sit with us at the kitchen table. 

“…live the life which he has imagined…” Henry David Thoreau

I was recently reminded of a quote I once read from Henry David Thoreau on a site called Heron Dance. It sparked something in me that I needed to share. I’m not quite sure at this writing what that is and ask you to join me in this adventure of being led to do something but not knowing the outcome. It happens that way sometimes.

The quote (taken from A Pause for Beauty (#238) – The Heron Dance E-Newsletter – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) – from Walden, excerpted in Thoreau and the Art of Life) is:

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.”

As I sit here looking at this quote, I wonder about my life and if I’ve moved in the direction of my dreams. I believe I have, maybe not as confidently as I would have liked. I’ve been a work in progress and still am. But my life reflects what’s been important to me and that is the love of family and to have a living, growing, spiritual relationship with my Creator (no particular order here). This has taken me down many paths and I’m sure there will be many more paths before it’s all said and done. I can imagine you writing your own dream stories, as you look at this quote, and what directions you took to arrive there and the successes you had unexpected in common hours.

As I’m writing this, I’m getting a better understanding of my life and why I had to take the path that I did. As I see it, earlier I had to learn about family and establish that for myself. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, which I believe most families do in one form or another. My parents were not abusive or drug or alcohol addicts. They just had their own personal relationship problems and jealousy issues and while they were in the midst of their challenges, which was most of the time, my sister and I felt cut out, excluded. There was very little peace or family unity. It was as if my parents were in a world of their own unconscious of anyone else around. There always appeared to be a black cloud hanging over our home and the energy was gloomy and heavy.

I didn’t know it then but, as a result, I had to find my own family and the give and take of love. I don’t remember having this kind of love as a child and through the weaves and turns down this path the stages of discovery left me sometimes more confused (see my post My Time to Trust – Again!). I felt disconnected with a hole in my soul. In the earlier stages of my youth, I realized I had an invisible friend who was always there. I later learned to put a name to that friend – God. This made me feel complete until I began to hear people tell me how you have to believe or else and what they said didn’t match the feeling I had for my invisible friend. As I got older and observing the expectations of the world, I tried to comply with teachings of hell, fire and brimstone but it never quite felt right. I missed my friend. Supernaturally, He would come into a dream or I’d hear His voice in prayer but another connection was broken – by me. As I got older and fell in love, this relationship was a part of the answer to reconnecting and filling the hole in my soul. When the children came, I felt so much more complete than I had ever felt – almost, but still not quite there. My husband and children fulfilled the love I needed to find what I had looked for so long but there was still some need to connect.

Now, in the second half of my life with the extended joy of family love and grandchildren (see my post Making Memories), I have advanced confidently in the direction of my dreams and endeavored to live the life I have imagined. But there’s more. Now, I will meet with a success unexpected in common hours, as I continue down this path learning to connect to me (see previous post Who Am I – Be True to Yourself) for there is my invisible friend as I once knew as a child, pure and innocent. He was there all the time and as I learn I will put old beliefs that no longer serve me behind and pass an invisible boundary. As I continue to learn to live connected in every way to God, myself, everyone and everything, I will live with a license of a higher order of beings.

I love Thoreau’s reflective thoughts and the messages that deeply speak to me. I thank you for taking this adventure of discovery with me. I hope you can see the journey you have been on and realize that it’s all perfect and that you’re never alone. In Jeremiah 29:11, it says:

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Check Out These Books to Read – Henry David Thoreau:
On the Duty of Civil Disobedience – Thoreau’s Classic Essay (Paperback) by Henry David Thoreau
Henry David Thoreau: Three Complete Books: The Maine Woods, Walden, Cape Cod by Henry David Thoreau
Walden by Henry David Thoreau, Introduction by William O. Douglas. Time-Life. 1962 by Henry David Thoreau and William O. Douglas
Walden, and Other Writings of Henry David Thoreau by Henry David Thoreau and Brooks Atkinson

Additional Information on Thoreau:
Online Literature – Thoreau
Biography of Henry David Thoreau – American Transcendental Web
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
Image Results of Henry David Thoreau
The Thoreau Reader

From the kitchen table – Pat
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Keeping Love Fresh and Vibrant – Part 5 of 5

It’s the day after Valentine’s Day. Is how you feel about your beloved still fresh and vibrant? All the celebration is over and the expectations have been fulfilled, what do you do now to keep that spark going – anything? Or….is it back to normal, same old routines, job, chores and running errands? Do you let the responsibilities of life dampen the thrill of what you and your loved one shared on Valentine’s Day? It was a special day wasn’t it?
(Photo by Joseph Hoban aka Lenscap – www.sxc.hu.home)

If you read my last post on this series in Love (A Song For All Lovers (John Denver – The Wildlife Concert) – Part 4 of 5), I talked about connecting with your heart and soul. This was renewed for me on Valentine’s Day when my husband and I enjoyed a quiet dinner together at home and danced to one of my favorite songs “For You” by John Denver. I felt as if our hearts connected in a deeper way more than ever before and I could understand the connection my aunt and uncle had (see my previous post) but this was reserved for my husband and I. The day after Valentine’s I can still capture the sweetness of the moment we shared as we listened and danced to that song. “How long will this last?” you ask. “I don’t know.” And it doesn’t matter – the essence of the moment and what we shared in that dance is carrying me to a new level of love and appreciation for my life’s partner.

How do you keep the spark alive? Here are some ways that come to mind for me:

1. Be thankful for the partner you have and appreciate their strengths and work together on those things that aren’t as strong.

2. Always say “thank you” for the things they do for you.

3. Look for ways to support one another when one of you is struggling with something.

4. Always remember to be romantic and don’t forget to say “I love you”, not as a cliché but as words from the heart with meaning. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.

5. Encourage – not attack. If you don’t like what they’re doing find a way to show them without breaking their spirit.

6. I remember what my 101-yr old resident at Morningstar Assisted Living said about “True Love”: “If you care about someone, you will never do anything to harm them.”

7. Be spontaneous and goofy and laugh, laugh, laugh at each others’ silliness.

8. Try to be in the present moment and cherish the time you have with each other. Don’t be too proud to say “I’m sorry”. Mitch Albom’s book called For One More Day is about a man who gets to spend one more day with his mother who had died. Dr. Joe Vitale, from The Secret, briefly shares his feelings about this book in this video clip “15-Minute Miracle by Dr. Joe Vitale”.

9. Receive the compliments your partner gives you and acknowledge what they do for you. Also listen to and honor those things they tell you constructively that you need to change and work on.

10. And, I’m sure you’ve all heard this and it’s so true, never go to bed mad. Find a way to reconcile your differences or at the very least agree to disagree.

Our partners, our lovers, our companions and teachers are there with us on this path of life so we can grow. We push each others’ buttons, that’s part of being human. But the love that has been created within us has been placed there to be understanding and compassionate and happy we have this life to live together with our beloved – side-by-side, day-after-day, moment-to-moment. We are here to learn from one another. Just as John Denver sings “For You”, I wish this same true love for all of you – forever!

From the kitchen table – Pat
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A Song For All Lovers (John Denver – The Wildlife Concert) – Part 4 of 5

Today’s the day – Valentine’s Day! I’ve been talking about Love all week and the different facets: from Love being a common denominator to a deeper connection to counting the ways that you deeply cherish and love one another. We’ve talked some on the lines of our physical connections but for Valentine’s Day, I want to talk about our heart and soul connections.

There is something magical the moment your eyes meet. With our eyes being the windows to our souls, we first glance into each others’ eyes and without a word being spoken our hearts touch each other for the first time. When this is nurtured and treasured, love grows into deeper connections. This love is something that’s not seen but felt; something that’s incomprehensible but intuitively known. When you see this love expressed in relationships, you’re drawn to it because it’s genuine.

I have a favorite aunt and uncle and as a child I remember the energy of their love whenever you were around them. You could feel it and couldn’t touch it because it was something so beautiful reserved just for them. You watched them interact with each other and how their eyes filled with love the moment one of them came into the room. In a crowded room you would see my uncle glancing and the minute he saw my aunt his gaze would glisten as if he had found his angel. They had joined on a heart and soul connection and when it came time for my uncle to pass on, it was devastating for my aunt to be left behind. She is still learning, albeit difficult, how to love as Elizabeth Barrett Browning spoke of in her poem (see my previous post How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways – Part 3 of 5) “….With my lost saints—I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death”.

John Denver wrote and sang a song in his The Wildlife Concert CD called “A Song for All Lovers” . It touches on the heart and soul connection of love as he talks about Mardy, a 93-year old woman, who inspired this song, who lived in Alaska with her husband. She spoke of her husband as her beloved. It’s a beautiful song of two lovers dancing in each others’ arms on the frozen tundra in Alaska dancing only to the tune of nature, the sound of the wind and their love. The flow of a waltz rhythm lets you feel the love and soul connection for yourself. A couple of lines in the song that John Denver sings are, “will the future remember when the lovers are gone,” and “…a song for the two of us beating only as one”. There’s another song on this same CD called “For You” that touches me so deep I want to reserve it and play it for my husband on our 50th wedding anniversary—just for you, my love.

Are you having a wonderful Valentine’s Day? What have you done today or what are you doing tonight to show the one you love how special they are to you? My husband and I are going to enjoy a lovely dinner at home tonight, just the two of us, and he gave me a beautiful card with a beautiful message and I’ve been sending him Valentine e-cards all week. I’m sure if we did this all the time it would get old after awhile and not mean as much but it’s a reminder that I can do more to show my life’s partner what a joy he is to my life. And, I plan on doing that! And as I play John Denver’s “A Song for All Lovers”, I will think of all of you out there making your own heart and soul connections – ones that will last a lifetime even over to the other side. And maybe, Jim and I will dance to John Denver’s For You tonight; I can’t wait another 9 years!

From the kitchen table – Pat
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How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways – Part 3 of 5

It’s the day before Valentine’s and I can picture everyone scurrying around shopping and surfing through cards trying to pick the one that best fit their sentiments. How do you effectively express your love to someone that’s meaningful and touches the heart? It’s easy to pick out a card or take your loved one to dinner and why not? It’s fun and it’s sweet. But sometimes you want to do something a little different – something that will be remembered longer than when Valentine’s Day is gone. I know everyone is doing it so I’ll join in and jump on the bandwagon and list some ideas of my own on ways to meaningfully express your love to that special someone. Here goes:

1. Not only on Valentine’s Day but for the remainder of Valentine’s Week, each day slip a note somewhere saying why you love them. It may be on the bathroom mirror or a note next to their coffee mug. Write more than a few words. Give them details on how unique and special they are to you.

2. Cook a special meal with wine and candlelight and soft music. You don’t always have to go out to enjoy yourselves. You can make it special and comfortable right at home.

3. If you’re musically inclined, compose a song and sing it to them. Or, write them a poem. If you’re not good at composing, you could just write them a letter sharing your love for them. On our 40th wedding anniversary, I got a blank, rustic journal from the book store and titled it 40 years and in it I wrote on 40 things we shared together and experienced, the things I love about him and his strengths along with pictures. It was a memorable moment when I gave it to him and he loved it.

4. Surprise them with asking them out on a date and if you live close to where you first met revisit some of the old places you went and recreate the night as if you were first dating. If you live far from where you first met, still call them up and ask them out on a date and plan an evening as if you had first met.

5. Recapture what it was that first attracted you to them and hold it in your mind’s eye and see it in that person now only value how much more they mean to you. Express that to them in some way through word or touch. There’s a sweetness of young love. You can see it captured in Janie’s wedding picture, 22 years ago on her Wordless Wednesday post on Colloquium. Valentine’s Day is special as it gives us a time to stop everything we’re doing and what we’re involved with and remember what’s important and celebrate.

6. Turn off the TV and play some old songs. Sit on the floor in front of the fireplace and cuddle, reminisce and talk to each other again about hopes and dreams.

7. You may be dating or in a long term relationship but not married. These are the times when Valentine’s Day is fresh and real. You’re creating a memory. You may start your own tradition. Maybe it’s a get-away weekend with hot tubs and massages. Just to get away and spend one-on-one time with each other is invaluable. Or maybe you create a memorable Valentine’s Day where you get dressed up and go to an opera or a play or just go out dancing. It’s not so much what you do but how you feel just being with each other.

Whatever you do tomorrow for Valentine’s Day, do it with your soul and heart. Cherish this time that you have to spend with this special someone and share that with them. Take care to show them how much you value them and how they brighten and add to your life.

In his book, Wisdom of the Ages, Dr. Wayne Dyer, shares a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
 

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

From the kitchen table – Pat
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