“…live the life which he has imagined…” Henry David Thoreau

Posted on February 19, 2008 by Pat

I was recently reminded of a quote I once read from Henry David Thoreau on a site called Heron Dance. It sparked something in me that I needed to share. I’m not quite sure at this writing what that is and ask you to join me in this adventure of being led to do something but not knowing the outcome. It happens that way sometimes.

The quote (taken from A Pause for Beauty (#238) – The Heron Dance E-Newsletter – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) – from Walden, excerpted in Thoreau and the Art of Life) is:

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.”

As I sit here looking at this quote, I wonder about my life and if I’ve moved in the direction of my dreams. I believe I have, maybe not as confidently as I would have liked. I’ve been a work in progress and still am. But my life reflects what’s been important to me and that is the love of family and to have a living, growing, spiritual relationship with my Creator (no particular order here). This has taken me down many paths and I’m sure there will be many more paths before it’s all said and done. I can imagine you writing your own dream stories, as you look at this quote, and what directions you took to arrive there and the successes you had unexpected in common hours.

As I’m writing this, I’m getting a better understanding of my life and why I had to take the path that I did. As I see it, earlier I had to learn about family and establish that for myself. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, which I believe most families do in one form or another. My parents were not abusive or drug or alcohol addicts. They just had their own personal relationship problems and jealousy issues and while they were in the midst of their challenges, which was most of the time, my sister and I felt cut out, excluded. There was very little peace or family unity. It was as if my parents were in a world of their own unconscious of anyone else around. There always appeared to be a black cloud hanging over our home and the energy was gloomy and heavy.

I didn’t know it then but, as a result, I had to find my own family and the give and take of love. I don’t remember having this kind of love as a child and through the weaves and turns down this path the stages of discovery left me sometimes more confused (see my post My Time to Trust – Again!). I felt disconnected with a hole in my soul. In the earlier stages of my youth, I realized I had an invisible friend who was always there. I later learned to put a name to that friend – God. This made me feel complete until I began to hear people tell me how you have to believe or else and what they said didn’t match the feeling I had for my invisible friend. As I got older and observing the expectations of the world, I tried to comply with teachings of hell, fire and brimstone but it never quite felt right. I missed my friend. Supernaturally, He would come into a dream or I’d hear His voice in prayer but another connection was broken – by me. As I got older and fell in love, this relationship was a part of the answer to reconnecting and filling the hole in my soul. When the children came, I felt so much more complete than I had ever felt – almost, but still not quite there. My husband and children fulfilled the love I needed to find what I had looked for so long but there was still some need to connect.

Now, in the second half of my life with the extended joy of family love and grandchildren (see my post Making Memories), I have advanced confidently in the direction of my dreams and endeavored to live the life I have imagined. But there’s more. Now, I will meet with a success unexpected in common hours, as I continue down this path learning to connect to me (see previous post Who Am I – Be True to Yourself) for there is my invisible friend as I once knew as a child, pure and innocent. He was there all the time and as I learn I will put old beliefs that no longer serve me behind and pass an invisible boundary. As I continue to learn to live connected in every way to God, myself, everyone and everything, I will live with a license of a higher order of beings.

I love Thoreau’s reflective thoughts and the messages that deeply speak to me. I thank you for taking this adventure of discovery with me. I hope you can see the journey you have been on and realize that it’s all perfect and that you’re never alone. In Jeremiah 29:11, it says:

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Check Out These Books to Read – Henry David Thoreau:
On the Duty of Civil Disobedience – Thoreau’s Classic Essay (Paperback) by Henry David Thoreau
Henry David Thoreau: Three Complete Books: The Maine Woods, Walden, Cape Cod by Henry David Thoreau
Walden by Henry David Thoreau, Introduction by William O. Douglas. Time-Life. 1962 by Henry David Thoreau and William O. Douglas
Walden, and Other Writings of Henry David Thoreau by Henry David Thoreau and Brooks Atkinson

Additional Information on Thoreau:
Online Literature – Thoreau
Biography of Henry David Thoreau – American Transcendental Web
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
Image Results of Henry David Thoreau
The Thoreau Reader

From the kitchen table – Pat
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Keeping Love Fresh and Vibrant – Part 5 of 5

Posted on February 16, 2008 by Pat

It’s the day after Valentine’s Day. Is how you feel about your beloved still fresh and vibrant? All the celebration is over and the expectations have been fulfilled, what do you do now to keep that spark going – anything? Or….is it back to normal, same old routines, job, chores and running errands? Do you let the responsibilities of life dampen the thrill of what you and your loved one shared on Valentine’s Day? It was a special day wasn’t it?
(Photo by Joseph Hoban aka Lenscap – www.sxc.hu.home)

If you read my last post on this series in Love (A Song For All Lovers (John Denver – The Wildlife Concert) – Part 4 of 5), I talked about connecting with your heart and soul. This was renewed for me on Valentine’s Day when my husband and I enjoyed a quiet dinner together at home and danced to one of my favorite songs “For You” by John Denver. I felt as if our hearts connected in a deeper way more than ever before and I could understand the connection my aunt and uncle had (see my previous post) but this was reserved for my husband and I. The day after Valentine’s I can still capture the sweetness of the moment we shared as we listened and danced to that song. “How long will this last?” you ask. “I don’t know.” And it doesn’t matter – the essence of the moment and what we shared in that dance is carrying me to a new level of love and appreciation for my life’s partner.

How do you keep the spark alive? Here are some ways that come to mind for me:

1. Be thankful for the partner you have and appreciate their strengths and work together on those things that aren’t as strong.

2. Always say “thank you” for the things they do for you.

3. Look for ways to support one another when one of you is struggling with something.

4. Always remember to be romantic and don’t forget to say “I love you”, not as a cliché but as words from the heart with meaning. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.

5. Encourage – not attack. If you don’t like what they’re doing find a way to show them without breaking their spirit.

6. I remember what my 101-yr old resident at Morningstar Assisted Living said about “True Love”: “If you care about someone, you will never do anything to harm them.”

7. Be spontaneous and goofy and laugh, laugh, laugh at each others’ silliness.

8. Try to be in the present moment and cherish the time you have with each other. Don’t be too proud to say “I’m sorry”. Mitch Albom’s book called For One More Day is about a man who gets to spend one more day with his mother who had died. Dr. Joe Vitale, from The Secret, briefly shares his feelings about this book in this video clip “15-Minute Miracle by Dr. Joe Vitale”.

9. Receive the compliments your partner gives you and acknowledge what they do for you. Also listen to and honor those things they tell you constructively that you need to change and work on.

10. And, I’m sure you’ve all heard this and it’s so true, never go to bed mad. Find a way to reconcile your differences or at the very least agree to disagree.

Our partners, our lovers, our companions and teachers are there with us on this path of life so we can grow. We push each others’ buttons, that’s part of being human. But the love that has been created within us has been placed there to be understanding and compassionate and happy we have this life to live together with our beloved – side-by-side, day-after-day, moment-to-moment. We are here to learn from one another. Just as John Denver sings “For You”, I wish this same true love for all of you – forever!

From the kitchen table – Pat
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A Song For All Lovers (John Denver – The Wildlife Concert) – Part 4 of 5

Posted on February 15, 2008 by Pat

Today’s the day – Valentine’s Day! I’ve been talking about Love all week and the different facets: from Love being a common denominator to a deeper connection to counting the ways that you deeply cherish and love one another. We’ve talked some on the lines of our physical connections but for Valentine’s Day, I want to talk about our heart and soul connections.

There is something magical the moment your eyes meet. With our eyes being the windows to our souls, we first glance into each others’ eyes and without a word being spoken our hearts touch each other for the first time. When this is nurtured and treasured, love grows into deeper connections. This love is something that’s not seen but felt; something that’s incomprehensible but intuitively known. When you see this love expressed in relationships, you’re drawn to it because it’s genuine.

I have a favorite aunt and uncle and as a child I remember the energy of their love whenever you were around them. You could feel it and couldn’t touch it because it was something so beautiful reserved just for them. You watched them interact with each other and how their eyes filled with love the moment one of them came into the room. In a crowded room you would see my uncle glancing and the minute he saw my aunt his gaze would glisten as if he had found his angel. They had joined on a heart and soul connection and when it came time for my uncle to pass on, it was devastating for my aunt to be left behind. She is still learning, albeit difficult, how to love as Elizabeth Barrett Browning spoke of in her poem (see my previous post How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways – Part 3 of 5) “….With my lost saints—I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death”.

John Denver wrote and sang a song in his The Wildlife Concert CD called “A Song for All Lovers” . It touches on the heart and soul connection of love as he talks about Mardy, a 93-year old woman, who inspired this song, who lived in Alaska with her husband. She spoke of her husband as her beloved. It’s a beautiful song of two lovers dancing in each others’ arms on the frozen tundra in Alaska dancing only to the tune of nature, the sound of the wind and their love. The flow of a waltz rhythm lets you feel the love and soul connection for yourself. A couple of lines in the song that John Denver sings are, “will the future remember when the lovers are gone,” and “…a song for the two of us beating only as one”. There’s another song on this same CD called “For You” that touches me so deep I want to reserve it and play it for my husband on our 50th wedding anniversary—just for you, my love.

Are you having a wonderful Valentine’s Day? What have you done today or what are you doing tonight to show the one you love how special they are to you? My husband and I are going to enjoy a lovely dinner at home tonight, just the two of us, and he gave me a beautiful card with a beautiful message and I’ve been sending him Valentine e-cards all week. I’m sure if we did this all the time it would get old after awhile and not mean as much but it’s a reminder that I can do more to show my life’s partner what a joy he is to my life. And, I plan on doing that! And as I play John Denver’s “A Song for All Lovers”, I will think of all of you out there making your own heart and soul connections – ones that will last a lifetime even over to the other side. And maybe, Jim and I will dance to John Denver’s “For You” tonight; I can’t wait another 9 years!

From the kitchen table – Pat
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How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways – Part 3 of 5

Posted on February 14, 2008 by Pat

It’s the day before Valentine’s and I can picture everyone scurrying around shopping and surfing through cards trying to pick the one that best fit their sentiments. How do you effectively express your love to someone that’s meaningful and touches the heart? It’s easy to pick out a card or take your loved one to dinner and why not? It’s fun and it’s sweet. But sometimes you want to do something a little different – something that will be remembered longer than when Valentine’s Day is gone. I know everyone is doing it so I’ll join in and jump on the bandwagon and list some ideas of my own on ways to meaningfully express your love to that special someone. Here goes:

1. Not only on Valentine’s Day but for the remainder of Valentine’s Week, each day slip a note somewhere saying why you love them. It may be on the bathroom mirror or a note next to their coffee mug. Write more than a few words. Give them details on how unique and special they are to you.

2. Cook a special meal with wine and candlelight and soft music. You don’t always have to go out to enjoy yourselves. You can make it special and comfortable right at home.

3. If you’re musically inclined, compose a song and sing it to them. Or, write them a poem. If you’re not good at composing, you could just write them a letter sharing your love for them. On our 40th wedding anniversary, I got a blank, rustic journal from the book store and titled it 40 years and in it I wrote on 40 things we shared together and experienced, the things I love about him and his strengths along with pictures. It was a memorable moment when I gave it to him and he loved it.

4. Surprise them with asking them out on a date and if you live close to where you first met revisit some of the old places you went and recreate the night as if you were first dating. If you live far from where you first met, still call them up and ask them out on a date and plan an evening as if you had first met.

5. Recapture what it was that first attracted you to them and hold it in your mind’s eye and see it in that person now only value how much more they mean to you. Express that to them in some way through word or touch. There’s a sweetness of young love. You can see it captured in Janie’s wedding picture, 22 years ago on her Wordless Wednesday post on Colloquium. Valentine’s Day is special as it gives us a time to stop everything we’re doing and what we’re involved with and remember what’s important and celebrate.

6. Turn off the TV and play some old songs. Sit on the floor in front of the fireplace and cuddle, reminisce and talk to each other again about hopes and dreams.

7. You may be dating or in a long term relationship but not married. These are the times when Valentine’s Day is fresh and real. You’re creating a memory. You may start your own tradition. Maybe it’s a get-away weekend with hot tubs and massages. Just to get away and spend one-on-one time with each other is invaluable. Or maybe you create a memorable Valentine’s Day where you get dressed up and go to an opera or a play or just go out dancing. It’s not so much what you do but how you feel just being with each other.

Whatever you do tomorrow for Valentine’s Day, do it with your soul and heart. Cherish this time that you have to spend with this special someone and share that with them. Take care to show them how much you value them and how they brighten and add to your life.

In his book, Wisdom of the Ages, Dr. Wayne Dyer, shares a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

From the kitchen table – Pat
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Love – A Deeper Connection – Part 2 of 5

Posted on February 13, 2008 by Pat

Since we’re talking about love this week, I wanted to touch on the subject from perhaps a different perspective. What does it feel like for you to be loved? You want to be valued and know that your love will hold up with the test of time. The love I’m talking about is more than just the physical attraction.

(Photo by Alexander Abolinsh at www.sxc.hu.home)
It’s what you feel when the one you love whispers how much they love you or when they do something just for you to show their love. It’s the little things, the gestures that tell the tale and touches your heart. How do you know you’re in love? Is it what you have in common or the fun you have when you do things together? All of that plays an important role in being in a relationship but love carries it further because it requires a giving of you. When things get tough and it doesn’t feel good anymore you have to draw on something deeper. Let me share with you my story.

My then husband (to be) and I first met in June of 1966 in a small town in Virginia. It was going to be my last summer with my grandparents and then I was off to school in the fall. My husband (to be) was stationed there in the Air Force. In the ‘60’s, a fun evening was cruising around up and down the beachfront seeing who was out. This was how we met, a couple of girls in their girlfriend’s new convertible and a couple of military guys pretending to run out of gas. We soon realized that they weren’t running out of gas; they were just running low and wanted to meet us so we agreed to see them at a local diner. Soon after that, my husband (to be) and I started dating on a regular basis throughout the summer. Being a small town, there wasn’t much to do except for a local theatre to go to once in a while. So, we would go for walks or to the beach just to talk and over the days and months till the end of the summer we shared our hopes and dreams, our values and beliefs and got to know each other fairly well. We had built something deeper than just the physical attraction for one another.

I left in September to go back home in Pennsylvania to start X-ray school at the local hospital and we continued to keep in touch through phone calls but mostly letters. Things changed with school and my living arrangements and I found myself back in Virginia in November looking for work. We were married the end of December only having known each other for 6 months and now we’ve been married 41 years.

Even though we dated a short time before we married, there have been many times that I have drawn on that strong bond we built early on when I didn’t always feel like loving or didn’t feel loved. My husband is not only my life partner, a father, a lover but he is also my best friend and the combination of all of that make up the many facets of love to me.

Do people really know each other today when they begin to start talking about love? What does it take to show that love and how do you receive it? Alex Blackwell gives some One Dozen Out of the Box Valentine’s Day Ideas on some of these things I’ve been talking about, giving you a dozen ways to show your love. It’s something that grows and changes over the years. It has to be nurtured and allowed the space to grow for you to be authentic and ugly, sometimes, so we can learn to be a better person for it.

Can you remember how you felt when you first fell in love with that special someone you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day with this week? Not just the kiss or the caress but something deeper that you knew when you first looked into each other’s eyes. You would have someone to build a life together and a family with, someone to laugh and cry with, someone who saw you at your worst and still loved you, and finally someone to grow old together with and reminisce.

Falling in love only begins with that first spark, and the butterflies in your stomach, and grows through a lifetime when you’re at the other end looking back over your life and feeling the warmth in your heart for that special someone you call your Valentine.

From the kitchen table – Pat
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