Young Love to Old Love

Posted on August 6, 2012 by Pat

Well, it’s official. We are now the elder couple with white hair walking down the street holding hands. I remember when I was in my dating years or married and chasing to my next errand I’d see an older couple holding hands and think, “Awhh, isn’t that nice. I’d like to be doing that someday.” And, maybe today people don’t think that anymore. But here we are that couple and how it happened so fast I don’t know.

I look around at people struggling with relationships today and wonder what has changed? The problems still seem the same: He’s too bossy; she nags too much; he doesn’t appreciate me; I want it done my way or the highway!

I hear the arguments: “we discovered we wanted completely different things”, “we don’t love each other anymore” or “I’m not happy and I don’t want to settle”. All are valid – I get it.

I once heard Dr. Phil on his show ask an elderly couple who had been married 60 or 70 years, “What kept them together for so long?” The wife answered (paraphrased), “We just never fell out of love at the same time.”

It hasn’t been easy for us either – same issues with different scenarios and surroundings. But, you know, anything that is worth it usually isn’t easy – if that’s what you’re looking for. It’s a trade-off. You can get it your way and come home to an empty house. Or, stay in a relationship where you’ve settled and be miserable.

What is it worth to you in the long run considering the trade-offs with no regrets? Just seems today, in my view, I’m seeing people give up too easily perhaps forgetting what it was they fell in love with in the first place.

I was 19 years old when Jim and I were married back in the mid ‘60’s. From the day we first met to when we got married was only 6 months.

Before we were married – Sept 1966 © Jim Ruppel

That was unheard of back then and we were given the usual lectures, “It’s not going to last”, “You don’t know anything about that boy” or “You’re too young”.

But it did last and that boy and I have together created more history going on 46 years this December.

I can look back at our “wedding” now and laugh but then it wasn’t so humorous and the story goes this way.

To give a little history, it was during the Viet Nam War and Jim was stationed in the Air Force at a radar site in Cape Charles, VA. I had graduated from high school in Pennsylvania a year earlier and was in Cape Charles for my last summer at my grandparents when we met. We dated for 3 months and then I had to return to PA in the fall to start school at a local hospital. We continued writing every day with an occasional call.

One month into x-ray technician school my surrogate grandfather suddenly dies and I’m devastated. I’ve never had someone I love die before and I’m also faced with the fact I no longer have a home. I drop out of school and after the funeral pull out and leave Pennsylvania forever and go back to Virginia to my grandparents, Jim and my parents who were temporarily visiting.

We continued dating and got serious and Jim proposed and we planned on getting married the beginning of the following year. Over the holidays, Jim had a leave between Christmas and New Years and wanted me to meet his parents in Toledo, OH. Doesn’t sound like a problem right? Well, that’s when things really got rolling.

My mother declared that I wasn’t going anywhere out-of-state unmarried. So we said, in response (no disrespect intended), “Okay we’ll get married”. Virginia is a state at that time where parents are legal guardians until 21.

When Jim called his mother and dad to talk more about us coming home for the holidays and marrying me they asked, “Do you know when?” To which he replied, “Tomorrow!”

Wedding picture © Jim Ruppel

In a couple of days’ time we got our blood test, license, ring, scheduled church and pastor, co-workers were excited about coming. I would wear my white prom gown, Jim in his dress blues and sister scheduled to arrive on the bus from PA early in the morning with her veil. Too short of notice for flowers, photographer and cake – I would bake my own.

All that was left to arrange were my parents and that was not going over too well as you can imagine especially with my mother. Not too much cooperation there.

The night before our wedding around 10:30 pm, Jim comes bouncing through the front door just getting off his shift at base. Says “hi” to everyone as he bubbly comes through the living room to the kitchen where Grandmom and I are baking our wedding cake. He’s happy and excited and I burst into tears as I take my cake out of the oven. It has a big crack down the middle and I lose it.

So we decide to go for a ride down to the beach front around 11:00 pm to cool off and recover. “Do you know what this wedding is going to look like?” “It’s going to be a fiasco with happy co-worker faces, pastor ready to preach and my mother making a scene – no cake, no flowers, no one to walk me down the aisle!”

We rode around a little more ending up in front of the preacher’s house and I finally stop crying so hard. It’s late but we decide to go up and knock on the door. We at least had to give him a heads up as what to expect tomorrow.

His wife answers the door in her robe and hair in rollers and she asks us to come into the study after we explain why we were there. The pastor comes in and we talk and he is comforting and marries us after discussing with us all our options.

We go back home to Grandmom and Grandpop’s and let everyone know we got married, get packed for the hotel before we head up to Toledo the following day to meet Jim’s parents for the first time. So many emotions I had experienced in one night like a pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other.

As we left for the hotel, Grandmom gave me a kiss and hug and said with a twinkle in her eye, “I knew you would come back married.” The next morning, first thing, I had to call my co-workers and tell them not to come to my wedding that I had gotten married and then wait for my sister at the bus stop before we headed north to Ohio.

Whether you’re young in love, old in love or all the places in between it takes work: giving and taking, compromises, taking a stand, laughing, crying, shouting and forgiving.

Jim and I – Much Older © Pat Ruppel

Being in a relationship pushes buttons and exposes parts of us we’d rather keep hidden. When you have children, the buttons get bigger and louder.

We have to decide how much we want to learn about ourselves and how much we want to love.

Grandpa and boys July 4th © Pat Ruppel

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table

Peace – Gone Fishin’?

Posted on August 3, 2012 by Pat

It’s slowed down as the end of summer rounds the corner now that it’s August. It’s been a wild one in our state of Colorado with fires and shootings and the peace is welcome. I look around and think isn’t there something I should be doing…nothing pressing at the moment…almost feeling guilty.

I haven’t felt like this since I was a kid at my grandparents on the Eastern Shore in Virginia. The days were hot with the windows and doors wide open letting in the summer sounds. I can hear the hum of the fans and it makes me feel lazy but content. Shouldn’t I be doing something? Anyone going fishin’?

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table

Attitude is Everything

Posted on July 26, 2012 by Pat

My husband and I were talking this morning about optimism and pessimism and it got me to thinking. Depending where you fall – optimist or pessimist – what does it take to feel different or make a difference? How do I let my light shine?

I think of the Jimmy Buffett song “Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes” where he says “nothing remains quite the same…..and if we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane”. Just based on recent events of devastating fires and shootings in my home state Colorado – it’s crazy out there. Why would I even want to try? Sounds like it would be better to just find a remote island somewhere and park myself for the duration.

But I came across truly inspiring videos I wanted to share with you of two people SHINING their light – putting themselves out there and demonstrating the will to live their lives fully. I noticed how compelling their attitudes were though different.

No blame – no excuses. Human beings are a truly incredible species capable of doing so much. Maybe that’s the reason we’re here living through these life experiences – how are we going to respond (attitude) to the good and likewise the bad because there’s no escape of it no matter who you are?

If your first instinct to a roadblock is to respond negatively, you just add to the drama and anger that’s already there. If your first instinct is to respond positively, there’s a shift and change to the norm no matter how slight – a glimmer of hope and possibility. Go for the positive. What are your thoughts on attitudes?

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table

Calling All Angels

Posted on July 24, 2012 by Pat

Angel Photo © Jim Ruppel 2012

I’ve written and rewritten this article a couple of times now trying to find meaning to words in my head and heart with regard to last Friday morning’s shootings in Aurora, Colorado, just a few miles from my daughter’s home. A lot has been reported and written and I don’t want to rehash it.

It’s almost a full week since the shootings and the media moves on to current news and people begin to pick up the pieces of their lives. Some pick up where it left off and others face life decisions they never thought they would have to make alone.

My heart breaks and soul aches for those touched by this incident and I struggle with how to express words of hope and encouragement.

I don’t pretend to know what people are experiencing or feeling. I only want to share from personal loss and trust it will in some small way bring comfort.

Something has happened snatching us out of our daily routines and we didn’t ask for it. For the most part, we can get along just fine taking care of business – going to work or school, showering, eating, playing, sleeping – and then something yanks the emergency brake and we tumble and crash. Everything is upside down and we say, “What the hell?”, if we’re able, trying to make sense of it – only there’s no making sense.

Then something else happens, we try to stand and gain solid ground. We’re suddenly flooded with emotions and can no longer control the tears and pain in our chest. Our body is out of control and we feel like our gut is turned inside out. Something is going on only I don’t know what.

It’s no wonder in times like these we turn to an unseen force seeking help – something beyond the body and mind because that’s not working the way it used to. Our hearts cry out – perhaps “calling all angels” – and connect us to our spirit. Now, this is out of the norm but there’s comfort – a peace and deep rest if only for a couple of hours.

The only problem is when I open my eyes I remember – it isn’t a dream. It didn’t go away and it starts all over again. This is the beginning of healing – one breath, one moment at a time. We’re in touch with a part of ourselves we never knew existed, connected to a different dimension and it’s overwhelming.

This is life – all its working parts. Pain brought us to a depth of our soul, though we don’t want to arrive that way. Our spirit forces us to feel things we don’t want to feel. Our senses are opened and introduced to something beyond daily routines. Can we dare to hope again – hope that our loved ones aren’t lost forever?

Can we begin to look through this ache and pain at good things that have come out of this – is there more happening on a bigger scale beyond what I can see?

People genuinely loving, comforting one another with value: young and old women, men and children, professional athletes, business, hospital and medical professionals, military, police and fire men and women, FBI, elected officials, clergy, a president and Batman actor.
Heroes emerged giving their lives for loved ones and fellow human beings.
Hugo Jackson, born to the Medley family, is awaiting his father Caleb’s recovery from critical gunshot wounds.

Life struggles to go on and yet it’s changed. None of this can really be explained to everyone’s satisfaction and debates go on forever. As a victim’s girlfriend put it (paraphrased), “He gave his life for me but I don’t know how to live it.”

We begin to take a step forward and we’ll fall down. But we’ll get up with more strength and determination with the help of others to make a difference and not take this life for granted.

The real truth can only be found in the depths of our hearts but for now we can rest “in the arms of an angel” and hold on to the good things remembered. What are you feeling today? Please share.

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table

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(YouTube video – Jane Siberry and KD Lang singing “Calling All Angels”)

Pacing the Cage

Posted on July 19, 2012 by Pat

Photo by MSN free Clipart Image from officeimg.vo.msecnd.net

A couple of lyrics from a song “Pacing the Cage” (written and sung by Bruce Cockburn and also performed by Jimmy Buffett) makes me wonder about the world as I see it today. It’s not bad – it has just become different and maybe we can change with it:

“I never knew what you all wanted, so I gave you everything.” … AND

“Sometimes the best map will not guide you. You can’t see what’s round the bend.”

I’ve taken notice lately of a lot of dramatic changes not only in the ways we communicate, earn a wage, but how we relate to each other to name a few. What appears to have worked well in the past doesn’t quite work as well and I see more people frustrated and “pacing the cage”, so to speak.

It’s all linked together and I’ve wondered how we’ve given everything and traded our souls for a false security? Only we don’t realize the security is false until our jobs are outsourced or our partners move on to someone else. Sometimes we feel we’re doing all the right things and yet we feel anxious, pacing.

We invest in a college education only to find when we graduate the jobs are not there. Or you work your whole life and follow the rules only to come up short at the other end wondering what happened to it. Then you dig in and work some more only to realize your value in the workforce is not as great because of your age.

Could it be what we’ve bought into all along are not the real goods? Could it be what we’ve been programmed and conditioned to believe has not just been for our best interest but rather to make it easier for others. Maybe by following the rules we believed we would in turn always be taken care of. We no longer had to think for ourselves – it was someone else’s responsibility.

In school we’re signaled when to move from one class to another or you start work by clocking in and clocking out when you leave. Somewhere along the way we’ve sold out and learned to move along with the masses instead of engaging with our true nature and talents and being rewarded for that.

This new world will require us to deliver unique gifts and talents that have value and we have to learn how to move with it. No longer accepted will be the cookie cutter – template approach but unique services and products with our personal intellect and energy, individual connection and quality.

Just begin – start somewhere but start.
Ask yourself what you love to do and then research and investigate ways to create and bring it into the world. The internet offers a wealth of opportunities to do that.
Listen to your intuition and act on it when you have the slightest thoughts on how to create what you want and what direction to take.
Bring the best of who you are to whatever you do – give it value.
Recommend checking out information on Seth Godin’s new book “Linchpin” giving insight into what we can do now.

I would suggest that if you feel a little restless and “pacing the cage” it’s because of the shifts and changes in the world and it’s time to step back and take inventory of our lives and make some changes.

Take back our lives and depend on ourselves to move forward with the talents we’ve been given. The world is waiting and hungry for what you and I have to offer. There’s a genius in each of us. What do you think?

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table