Scared of Letting Go

Posted on August 23, 2012 by Pat

Do you remember the movie “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” where he needs to cross a great precipice as the last of 3 challenges given him? He takes a leap of faith stepping over a cliff in space onto what seems to appear an invisible bridge. I’ve often wondered what it takes to let go like that. Where does the courage come from? How can you know?

When I first saw that movie years ago, I remembered thinking, “No, I don’t think I could ever do that!” I still don’t think I could and yet there are times in our lives when not taking the leap is more life threatening than we realize. That is explained better is this wonderful little story called “The Rope” where letting go was just too hard to do.

Aren’t we faced with similar risky decisions every day – of course, not as dramatic or life threatening – but decisions nonetheless that could very well reshape the course of our lives? But, it seems the majority of time we choose a path most familiar, comfortable with the least resistance. Never realizing how much more fulfilling and exciting our lives could be.

I think this is where I’m at in this stage of my life – reaching inside to find the courage to just let go of the rope. I’ve tried it in the past but was not as committed as I would like.

This time, circumstances have permitted and blessed me with the opportunity to take stock again of the priorities in my life. So I’ve started writing on this blog again and putting more personal stories out there. This is my latest leap.

I remember years ago at a major employer’s I was given the opportunity to create and pilot a workshop series for co-workers. I felt then too like I was taking a huge leap especially in the corporate world. I was scared to death.

The pilot was called “Wisdom for the Ages” and its purpose was to connect to one another on a more personal level by sharing via a talking stick on specific topics (i.e. trust, leadership, attitude, harmony). All were invited no matter the position to 4 one-hour workshops. I would ask questions, play tapes and read poems expanding on the topic.

I know it sounds corny and that is what was scary – just presenting this in a corporate environment. I really didn’t know what I was doing and always squirmed at getting up in front of groups to give a talk.

But here I was taking the leap with the gut feeling that there must be a way to get to know co-workers more with the length of time we spend at work every day. Maybe if we knew each other better there would be more understanding, collaboration and sensitivity to each other’s feelings. We would have a better feel for where our co-workers are coming from.

I remember coming out of a supervisors’ meeting after giving an overview of the workshop and thinking, “What! Was I crazy?” “What do I think I’m doing – poems for crying out loud and a talking stick?” I ducked in a small conference room to gather myself before going back to my desk and cried. I was really out of my element. I called my husband and he calmed me down saying, “It doesn’t matter what is thought – it doesn’t change what it is.”

I regrouped and went back to my desk and noticed that the supervisors’ meeting let out with everyone going back to their desk. One of the supervisors passed my desk and stopped to thank me for the overview. She said it took everything within her power to hold back the tears when I read the poem as she had been dealing with the emotional strain of her mother dying. It reminded her how important life is even when working.

She hugged me with tears still in her eyes and all the fear I felt and frustration melted with the feeling in my heart I had connected in a way I had wanted in starting this pilot. It was worth it.

I’m scared now wondering if I can connect in that same way again but with writing and e-books or should I do as I had done before – give into the fear, not commit and get back in the corporate world again before too much time has lapsed.

We all feel it when we’re faced with challenges of the unknown – some more serious than others. But if you’re scared to make a life change – moving out, going back to school, or even quitting your job and traveling the world – listen closely to see if you hear a voice telling you, “let go of the rope” and take a chance. It may be the best thing in your life you’ve ever done.

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table

Creativity Where Are You?

Posted on August 17, 2012 by Pat

Rainbow in Bailey

God I love this place where I live in the Rocky Mountains. There is inspiration everywhere you look if you have the eyes to see and the heart to listen.

I was reconnected last night to that place in my heart I had forgotten so long ago in another place and another world.

In the past couple of weeks I’ve tried at least 4 times to write a story and it would fizzle out and nothing would come through. I suspect you know what a challenge that is in whatever you’re creating.

I’m fairly new to writing and have discovered I work best when I write from my heart but that seemed to be in a current state of “silence”.

I suspect I needed to go through a period of purification and alchemy as my acupuncturist puts it. I went for a treatment a week ago for inner untangling. I was experiencing surges of energy so much so I couldn’t sleep.

One night I was up for 24 hours and wasn’t the slightest tired. My acupuncturist said my body needed some rest so gave a treatment for the energy surges – the pendulum swung the other direction.

Oh yes, I’ve had some writing ideas: “Freedom-Family-Faith”, “When You’re Smiling”, “Commercials” or “Hang On” but couldn’t finish and push it through to materialize. It was in the head but not really the heart.

I’m enjoying the rest and know change always takes time in the process of adjustment but it’s driving me crazy. I want it to be right.

I didn’t realize yesterday was the anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death 35 years ago (Aug 16, 1977) and last night watched a TV Special of his Gospel music. It brought back memories of a small Southern Baptist Church in Cape Charles, VA and I remembered as a little girl singing the song “There’s a Sweet Sweet Spirit in This Place”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53J5XzMfhG8

In watching the passion of the singing in that show I remembered how I felt and what Elvis may have felt. I was again inspired and it touched my heart again the same way my heart was touched so many years ago.

Are any of you in a “silent” stage of change requiring more awareness, tuning in and patience? I certainly have struggled with this for the past couple of weeks. It’s not to say I’ve figured it out but would like to think I’m beginning to move again on the path. Don’t give up – keep looking. You’ll be shown. It’s there – sometimes closer than you think.

Maybe you would like to share some of your stories of creative challenges and how you’re working through them. I would love to hear about it.

Young Love to Old Love

Posted on August 6, 2012 by Pat

Well, it’s official. We are now the elder couple with white hair walking down the street holding hands. I remember when I was in my dating years or married and chasing to my next errand I’d see an older couple holding hands and think, “Awhh, isn’t that nice. I’d like to be doing that someday.” And, maybe today people don’t think that anymore. But here we are that couple and how it happened so fast I don’t know.

I look around at people struggling with relationships today and wonder what has changed? The problems still seem the same: He’s too bossy; she nags too much; he doesn’t appreciate me; I want it done my way or the highway!

I hear the arguments: “we discovered we wanted completely different things”, “we don’t love each other anymore” or “I’m not happy and I don’t want to settle”. All are valid – I get it.

I once heard Dr. Phil on his show ask an elderly couple who had been married 60 or 70 years, “What kept them together for so long?” The wife answered (paraphrased), “We just never fell out of love at the same time.”

It hasn’t been easy for us either – same issues with different scenarios and surroundings. But, you know, anything that is worth it usually isn’t easy – if that’s what you’re looking for. It’s a trade-off. You can get it your way and come home to an empty house. Or, stay in a relationship where you’ve settled and be miserable.

What is it worth to you in the long run considering the trade-offs with no regrets? Just seems today, in my view, I’m seeing people give up too easily perhaps forgetting what it was they fell in love with in the first place.

I was 19 years old when Jim and I were married back in the mid ‘60’s. From the day we first met to when we got married was only 6 months.

Before we were married – Sept 1966 © Jim Ruppel

That was unheard of back then and we were given the usual lectures, “It’s not going to last”, “You don’t know anything about that boy” or “You’re too young”.

But it did last and that boy and I have together created more history going on 46 years this December.

I can look back at our “wedding” now and laugh but then it wasn’t so humorous and the story goes this way.

To give a little history, it was during the Viet Nam War and Jim was stationed in the Air Force at a radar site in Cape Charles, VA. I had graduated from high school in Pennsylvania a year earlier and was in Cape Charles for my last summer at my grandparents when we met. We dated for 3 months and then I had to return to PA in the fall to start school at a local hospital. We continued writing every day with an occasional call.

One month into x-ray technician school my surrogate grandfather suddenly dies and I’m devastated. I’ve never had someone I love die before and I’m also faced with the fact I no longer have a home. I drop out of school and after the funeral pull out and leave Pennsylvania forever and go back to Virginia to my grandparents, Jim and my parents who were temporarily visiting.

We continued dating and got serious and Jim proposed and we planned on getting married the beginning of the following year. Over the holidays, Jim had a leave between Christmas and New Years and wanted me to meet his parents in Toledo, OH. Doesn’t sound like a problem right? Well, that’s when things really got rolling.

My mother declared that I wasn’t going anywhere out-of-state unmarried. So we said, in response (no disrespect intended), “Okay we’ll get married”. Virginia is a state at that time where parents are legal guardians until 21.

When Jim called his mother and dad to talk more about us coming home for the holidays and marrying me they asked, “Do you know when?” To which he replied, “Tomorrow!”

Wedding picture © Jim Ruppel

In a couple of days’ time we got our blood test, license, ring, scheduled church and pastor, co-workers were excited about coming. I would wear my white prom gown, Jim in his dress blues and sister scheduled to arrive on the bus from PA early in the morning with her veil. Too short of notice for flowers, photographer and cake – I would bake my own.

All that was left to arrange were my parents and that was not going over too well as you can imagine especially with my mother. Not too much cooperation there.

The night before our wedding around 10:30 pm, Jim comes bouncing through the front door just getting off his shift at base. Says “hi” to everyone as he bubbly comes through the living room to the kitchen where Grandmom and I are baking our wedding cake. He’s happy and excited and I burst into tears as I take my cake out of the oven. It has a big crack down the middle and I lose it.

So we decide to go for a ride down to the beach front around 11:00 pm to cool off and recover. “Do you know what this wedding is going to look like?” “It’s going to be a fiasco with happy co-worker faces, pastor ready to preach and my mother making a scene – no cake, no flowers, no one to walk me down the aisle!”

We rode around a little more ending up in front of the preacher’s house and I finally stop crying so hard. It’s late but we decide to go up and knock on the door. We at least had to give him a heads up as what to expect tomorrow.

His wife answers the door in her robe and hair in rollers and she asks us to come into the study after we explain why we were there. The pastor comes in and we talk and he is comforting and marries us after discussing with us all our options.

We go back home to Grandmom and Grandpop’s and let everyone know we got married, get packed for the hotel before we head up to Toledo the following day to meet Jim’s parents for the first time. So many emotions I had experienced in one night like a pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other.

As we left for the hotel, Grandmom gave me a kiss and hug and said with a twinkle in her eye, “I knew you would come back married.” The next morning, first thing, I had to call my co-workers and tell them not to come to my wedding that I had gotten married and then wait for my sister at the bus stop before we headed north to Ohio.

Whether you’re young in love, old in love or all the places in between it takes work: giving and taking, compromises, taking a stand, laughing, crying, shouting and forgiving.

Being in a relationship pushes buttons and exposes parts of us we’d rather keep hidden. When you have children, the buttons get bigger and louder.

We have to decide how much we want to learn about ourselves and how much we want to love.

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table

Peace – Gone Fishin’?

Posted on August 3, 2012 by Pat

It’s slowed down as the end of summer rounds the corner now that it’s August. It’s been a wild one in our state of Colorado with fires and shootings and the peace is welcome. I look around and think isn’t there something I should be doing…nothing pressing at the moment…almost feeling guilty.

I haven’t felt like this since I was a kid at my grandparents on the Eastern Shore in Virginia. The days were hot with the windows and doors wide open letting in the summer sounds. I can hear the hum of the fans and it makes me feel lazy but content. Shouldn’t I be doing something? Anyone going fishin’?

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table

Attitude is Everything

Posted on July 26, 2012 by Pat

My husband and I were talking this morning about optimism and pessimism and it got me to thinking. Depending where you fall – optimist or pessimist – what does it take to feel different or make a difference? How do I let my light shine?

I think of the Jimmy Buffett song “Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes” where he says “nothing remains quite the same…..and if we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane”. Just based on recent events of devastating fires and shootings in my home state Colorado – it’s crazy out there. Why would I even want to try? Sounds like it would be better to just find a remote island somewhere and park myself for the duration.

But I came across truly inspiring videos I wanted to share with you of two people SHINING their light – putting themselves out there and demonstrating the will to live their lives fully. I noticed how compelling their attitudes were though different.

No blame – no excuses. Human beings are a truly incredible species capable of doing so much. Maybe that’s the reason we’re here living through these life experiences – how are we going to respond (attitude) to the good and likewise the bad because there’s no escape of it no matter who you are?

If your first instinct to a roadblock is to respond negatively, you just add to the drama and anger that’s already there. If your first instinct is to respond positively, there’s a shift and change to the norm no matter how slight – a glimmer of hope and possibility. Go for the positive. What are your thoughts on attitudes?

Pat – from the ol’ kitchen table